Miss you like crazy Monday, Oct 18 2010

  Hello dear friends,

   I’m just letting you know that I miss you.  I miss those of you that I usually read and I miss those of you I usually write for.  I haven’t read anything lately.  I’m STILL way behind on answering e-mails (but don’t stop writing). 

  WOW, and I thought the summer was crazy.  I’ve been helping a few family members that really need me and between that and my own household, I’ve not been reading or writing at all.

  We are still here and happily doing our thing, just VERY busy. 

  I’m sending you all well wishes and hopefully we will return to our regular broadcast soon. 🙂

God bless you,

gg

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testing, testing, 1,2,3… Tuesday, Sep 28 2010

 There are many articles out there about the woman in a D/s relationship testing her man.  This happens for lots of reasons.  Some need to know he won’t back down, others need to feel like he really deserves to be Head of Household.  We test, sometimes unknowingly ,sometimes in full defiance, in many different ways. Let’s see, there is bratting, breaking rules, being disrespectful, being mouthy and a million other little things that, at some point in time, were meant to test the new dynamic and make sure he is taking his new role seriously.

Hopefully these HOHs dealt with the situation and let all parties involved know who is boss. The flip side of this  has much less written about it.  My sweet husband, and I think it might be true for most HOHs, did some testing of his own after my turn was over.

How might these dear men test the new waters their relationships  are navigating?  I’m sure the answers vary greatly, but they most likely fit into a few categories:

1. Bedroom submission.  So you’ve given your body to him with blanket consent, but did you really mean it?  Be ready to be awakened in the middle of the night on a night you have to get up very early, just so he can see if you will keep your word.  How about a blowjob right before you need to be somewhere?  Or doing that one thing you really don’t like and being enthusiastic about it even though you did it yesterday too. My husband tested in this department for quite a while before he realized I really do want to serve him in this way.

2. Rules.  When you first started out with D/s, he might have laid out some basic rules to be followed about your safety or keeping the household up on a daily basis.  No biggie, right?  You’ve had no problem following these (except for when you were testing him) but get ready for a few curveballs.   My husband , who never cared about how his socks were arranged in his drawer, suddenly was very particular about how I paired them and laid them together.   I knew he didn’t really care, but I guess I liked that he was kicking the tires of our new arrangement.  I could feel that it was a little test and was happy to comply.

3.  Because I said so.  This can manifest itself in many ways, but the men all seem to get to a point where they just want to beat their chest and roar.  We’ve been building up the ways they can express their testosterone, so this is to be expected.     It can be little things like changing the dinner plans for the evening (at the very last minute) because they want something else.  I’ve read of many spanking relationships getting to the point when he just spanked her because he could or felt she needed it.  How about telling you that you look very tired and should go to bed now even though it’s the night of your favorite TV show. UGH. Any of these might just be testing us to see if we really go along with this D/s thing or call it quits.  Oh, and there’s limiting internet/computer time  just because he can–don’t say you weren’t warned.

I’m sure there are hundreds of ways that Doms and subs test out the relationship to make sure their partner is playing for keeps.  To be honest, I’m not sure if subs ever really stop needing reassurance that their man doesn’t back down.  But, the men too experience a time when they need to know we are not just spicing up playtime, but that we are trying to make life long changes that will enhance our entire marriage.

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busy busy busy Tuesday, Sep 21 2010

  Life is just nuts with back to school and the charities I’m involved with and, and, and…  For someone who tries to be diligent about overscheduling, I AM SWAMPED!

So, I know some of you are waiting for responses to  e-mails that were written in earnest and I am trying very hard to give each one the attention you deserve. 

I also am working on a new post but in the mean time just wanted to let you know we are still alive and kicking.

God bless,

gg

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At his feet Thursday, Aug 19 2010

The following post would have shocked and/or offended me ten years ago (although it’s quite vanilla to my regular readers). I would have thought horrible thoughts about the woman who wrote it.   

I recently went to a conference with my husband where he was one of the presenters.   He was speaking in a large auditorium on a somewhat broad topic and then speaking later in a smaller meeting room on a very specific narrowed down subset of that topic.  I attended both.

  The presentation to the large group went very well and when the floor was opened for questions I could hear the respect and awe of the audience (who was filled with people who are also very smart and rather important as well).  Ten years ago, I would have thought to myself “that’s right people, he’s mine”.  How did I feel this time?  I was beaming because I am his.  He chose me and he chooses me again all the time.  This man has options (although he would never say that) and still he chooses me and our family again and again.  I am his.  He looked so cool and casual up there and I was pulled toward him.  I didn’t leave my seat, but I wanted so badly to inch closer, to be with him, to feel his hand under my hair, firmly on my neck, and let everyone see that posture of ownership.

   We had a few minutes before the next meeting and I used it to affirm how well he had done and tell him how proud I am to be his wife.  He just winked at me and shook a bunch of hands of people who appeared to want to be close to him as well.

  The second meeting started and I was sure to get a seat in the front row.  He sounded more brilliant than before.  I was overwhelmed with the need to be at his feet.  We don’t have kneeling or bowing or posturing as part of our relationship as some D/s couples do, but I am sometimes put at his feet while he sits on the couch so we can have a serious chat.  It’s actually quite an affectionate position for BOTH of us and helps me with my desired mindset.

But this day, I wanted, needed, desired, yearned for the chance to actually kneel. I was so enamored by his intellect, so humbled that he chooses me that I could barely suppress the urge to put my forehead on his shoes. I had never experienced this before.

I could picture it. I’d quietly walk  the few steps to him and get on my knees and fold in half with my face at his feel.  He wouldn’t stop talking to the group as he motioned for me to unfold and move to his side.  Then I would simply kneel next to him while his hand on my hair softly held my head to the side of his knee.

If you are a parent, you’ve been in the position that I describe my husband in, right?  Your small child wants you, but you are talking to someone, so you just hold their shoulder or head against your thigh/hip so they know they are wanted too while you finish your conversation. Oh to live in a society where wives could do the same!

I was quite obsessed with moving to his feet and wrapped my fingers around the edge of my seat to ensure I did not move without thinking.  I’ve never had a problem saying that I admire my husband but this level of intensity was new.  My inner feminist should have been beating me up, but she wasn’t.  I simply felt soft and girly and so very peaceful.

Later I tried to explain what had happened  at the meeting.  He sat there with a big question mark on his face.  When I was done he said “well of course you did, I mean look at me” which was a huge joke on his part, but he did let me sit at his feet just a little longer before pulling me up on his lap.

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How do we define what we are? Tuesday, Aug 17 2010

  So we’ve talked about it.  Do we have a new definition for us? We don’t think we are in a ‘spanking relationship’.   He says I don’t need to fear a spanking as punishment for messing up. (If that is how your relationship works,  I’m glad you figured out what works for you.  It just doesn’t work for us right now.)

  He says he reserves the right to keep it in his back pocket to pull out if we fall away from our roles as we both have defined them.  I’m cool with that.  I mean, I guess it’s always been that way even though we had not spanked.  I’ve given him the power to make decisions regarding our relationship and this was never completely “off the table” it just wasn’t discussed much.  Now, it’s out there on the table in full view and may or may not get dusted off in the future.

 How does this change our relationship?  The spanking option itself doesn’t change anything at all.  The fact that he took charge a few weeks ago and went ahead with a decision he made by himself only adds to the respect I already had. 

That’s about it. 

Spanking changes some relationships drastically.  I think this may be because they used it early on to establish the roles, which is totally fine and sometimes necessary.  We already knew how we were going to relate to each other the rest of our lives.  So although the spanking accomplished the task of the day (“recalibrating” as BabyMan called it), it wasn’t needed to define an entire marriage.  We had already done that.

God bless,

gg

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thoughts on my spanking Wednesday, Aug 4 2010

  I had went back and forth about sharing with you dear readers that my husband spanked me last week.  I’ve tried to be very open about our relationship up until then, so I didn’t see the point in hiding it. 

  I knew I’d lose a few followers who had expressed to me that they like our blog because every other D/s blog (Christian or not) spanks and it doesn’t line up with their thinking.  I’ve never avoided the topic of spanking, we just didn’t partake in it ourselves.

  So, the e-mails have piled up.  Many supportive (and a few down right hilarious), others insulting and a few just honestly disappointed our relationship took this turn.  Since we live D/s, I get to pass the buck and blame him for leading us in that direction, right?  🙂

  I keep getting the same few questions over and over again, so I thought I would just answer them here. 

1.  Were you particularly naughty or bratty that day?  What did you do to deserve a spanking from out of the blue?

  No,  I was not naughty at all.  I don’t really do naughty. I’ve been too busy anyway.  Actually, for how crazy this summer is with kids’ schedules, we’ve been pretty darn peaceful with each other.  The D/s just got pushed so far back behind everything else and he decided to bring it to the forefront of both of our minds.

2. Were you  mad at him?

  No. Shocked YES.  Mad, no.  There was a quality of serenity to the whole thing that I can’t quite explain.  Perhaps those that spank who read here can expound on it better than I can.  But he was so very very calm,  accepting of a range of reactions I went through, didn’t back down when I truly thought I wanted him to, and was so tender with me afterwards.

  I started our move toward D/s and I know he has embraced his role as HOH.  We’ve both written about his slow, sometimes painfully so, transition from playing along, to embracing his dominant nature.  I can’t help but see how far he has come when he took me over his knee because our dynamic was lacking something for BOTH of us. 

I would have guessed if this ever happened it would be because he thought I needed to feel his leadership.  And that is true, but the fact that at that moment HE needed to see and feel my submission just as much, well I suppose that is what I always hoped for—that this ‘lifestyle’, this way of relating to each other, would feed him as much as it does me. He spanked me to meet BOTH of our needs that day. I can’t express how beautiful that is to me. I met a need in him when I submitted to the spanking.

3.  Do you feel differently now that you are in a spanking relationship?  Do you wish he would have asked you before making this change?

  First of all, I’m not sure we are in a spanking relationship.  He pulled out this new ‘tool’ when we found ourselves way outside of how we normally feel about each other.  He’d be the first to tell you that I don’t need regular ‘correction’ and if I do, just ‘the look’ stops me in my tracks, and a stern talking to in which  he tells me I let him down just breaks my heart. I think the spanking I got was easier to take then the times he makes me look into his eyes from where I sit on the floor and he tells me how I’ve disappointed him.

  Secondly, on asking me first, or how other readers have worded it, should we have at least discussed it so he knew my feelings on the subject before he decided.  Well, my answer to that is this…I gave him the right and the power for these decisions a long time ago.  Whether I agree with what he did, like or hate what he did or feel differently about him is irrelevant.  This is a D/s marriage now.

If you’ve read from the beginning, I was still holding on to a few things and I may have been the sub, but it may have actually been a little more like this- D/S, or even d/S.  But now, not only saying, but really truly believing that it wasn’t for me to decide, shows me I might have earned my little s.  I’ve come a long way understanding my own submission and I couldn’t have done it without such an awesome husband.

4.  How hard did he spank you, did he  use any implements, did he leave any marks.  You were vague!!!!!

   He only used his hand and I was still red the next day.

5.  I have to know, did you cry?

   Yes.  I cycled through crying, then thinking I was done and then crying again a few times during that spanking. I rarely cry.

God bless,

gg

PS  Husbands, one little piece of advice, if you are going to try this and have it last a while like ours did, please make sure your wife doesn’t have a full bladder before you start.

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First time for everything. Tuesday, Jul 27 2010

I’m trying for complete honesty about something unexpected that took place yesterday…

“I need you to come over here”

“K”

“No, on the floor here please”

“K” (so far nothing seems abnormal-I’m often placed on my knees before him)

“I read your blog, you know”

“I know, thanks”

“It gives me really great insight into how you, and we, are still changing”

“Thanks”

“You should write more often”

“Well, this year has been pretty crazy, and this summer is the busiest one yet”

“Yes, you have been really busy. How are you feeling?”

“Fine. I’m sure glad your mom wanted the kids for the night though, I could use some time to catch up on this house.  Why?”

“I mean how do you feel about us right now?  About our relationship?  About our ‘dynamic’?”

“I guess I haven’t really had time to stop and think about it, like I said, this summer has been crazy.”

“Yes, it has.  I have to apologize to you.  I feel I’ve let my side of the D/s slide lately because of being busy and because you seem a little frazzled. We haven’t felt like ‘us’ lately”

“It’s OK honey, I’m sure it’s not your fault.”

“Well, I AM the leader here.”

***nods***

“I’ve been trying to think of a way to  reestablish our roles around here.  I’ve been lacking  and I know you are happiest when you are dominated and feel submissive.”

***nods***

“Your blog had all the answers”

***quickly filing mentally through posts and figuring where he is going with this***

“Undress please”

  So, my mind is racing.  He is very very calm and speaking quite slowly. I stand up and face him and begin to remove my clothes.  He caresses my forearm a few times as if reassuring me.

  I’m maneuvered into an odd position.  If you can picture this.  There is an ottoman right in front of where he sits on the couch.  Imagine sitting on his lap, straddling him, facing away  then laying all the way down so one’s face and shoulders are on the ottoman.  So, I have a knee on each side of him, my shins up against the backrest of the couch, my belly on his thighs and my shoulders supported on the ottoman.  That’s as close as I’m getting to drawing a diagram.

  Then, he starts rubbing my lower back and bottom and thighs as they are right in his lap.  He begins telling me that he’s the boss here, even in the summer, even when the kids are always around, even when life is hectic and then SMACK.

  “WHAAAAAAAT?”

“You wrote about establishing roles with a spanking and we need establishing right now”  SMACK

“But….. but, but we don’t spank!”

“Why don’t we spank?” SMACK

“Wait. ummm, wait.  We don’t spank because of my back injury.  Because of the nerve pain I get.”

“Well, I don’t plan to get anywhere near that” SMACK.

He had been striking the outside of the back of my upper thighs.  The nerve pain I get runs down the main nerve in the middle of the back of the leg(the sciatic nerve for those of you who appreciate the technical side of things) and can be somewhat disabling when it really flares up.  He did his homework.  He wasn’t going to harm me.  Of course he wasn’t.

(Dialog after this point, gets a little sketchy, but I’ll do my best)

“You wrote that as a submissive, you can understand the need to be put in your place physically.  You wrote that this is an obvious display of who is the boss.  We both need this.” (smacks every other word, I think)

 I may have panicked.  I was asked to put my hands under my face and keep them there.  I tried.

 Here’s some of the stuff that went through my head… 

 I wanted to cover up.  I’ve been in this position before with him in a sexual context and have not had the urge to cover myself even though I felt  exposed.  But yesterday, I had a powerful urge to cover myself.  This was not a sexual situation and the position felt nearly humiliating.  I’ve never wanted a pair of panties so bad in my life.

OW!

I’m ashamed to say that it crossed my mind that he would not go through with it.  That he would be done any second.  That he wasn’t serious.  That I didn’t need a “who is who”.  I actually doubted he had it in him. 

When it became apparent that he wasn’t stopping anytime soon, I started talking and was hushed.  I’m not sure what I said.  He went on about working at being the leader I needed.    I think I was sweating while he talked about over scheduling.  I know I was begging, while he talked about respect.

I was shocked at what he was able to deliver.  Since we don’t spank, I had never asked myself if he could follow through. My level of surprise tells me that I had underestimated my man.

The smacks slowed.  They were replaced by light rubbing.  The tenderness in his touch nearly broke my heart.  I laid quiet on his lap.  There were some soft murmurs from him now and then.  After a while he said “come here”.  I flipped around and roped my arms around his neck.

He ran his fingers up and down my back and through my hair. then he asked how I feel about us now.  I said the only thing that came to mind. 

“better”

“Me too.”

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Needs and Wants Thursday, Jul 8 2010

  I’d like to set the record straight.

I WANT to win this argument discussion.  I NEED to see you’ll stick to your guns.

I WANT you to pretend you didn’t see me roll my eyes.  I NEED you to not put up with it.

I WANT you to not mention that I forgot my cell phone again.  I NEED to know it upsets you because you care so deeply for my safety.

I WANT to walk away and not listen when you are reminding me (again) I have certain responsibilities around here.  I NEED you to keep me from walking away.  I NEED you to not allow the distance I sometimes try to create.

I WANT to clam up when you say it is time to talk about touchy subjects.  I NEED you to demand full disclosure.

I WANT (sometimes) to get louder and louder and make sure I am heard.  I NEED you to quiet me and not let this stupid thing escalate.

I WANT to steer this relationship and control the pace at which it moves (faster, please, faster!)  I NEED to know you have the wheel.

I WANT to serve you when it is convenient.  I NEED to know you will make it happen if it is your will.

I WANT to have sex when it is convenient.  I NEED to know you feel my body is yours for the taking.

I WANT you to go easier on me.  I NEED you to be more strict.

I WANT to throw out all the unwritten rules.  I NEED so badly for you to be stern when you enforce them.

I WANT you to back down when you’ve made tears well up.  I NEED you to never never never back down.

I WANT to hide any tears from you.  I NEED you to be strong enough to face those tears and push on through.  I NEED for you to be the only man in my life that knows you can cause the tears AND wipe them away.

I WANT to bat my eyelashes or unzip your pants and have you forget that nothing got checked off the list today.  I NEED you to hold me accountable. (then take off your pants)

I WANT to think I’m a bigshot around here.  I NEED to know who is boss.

There. See how easy I am to live with. **wink**

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Let Freedom ring Tuesday, Jul 6 2010

   I hope you all had as much fun celebrating our independence as we did.  We participated in every 4th of July cliché.  We BBQed, swam, ran around with things aflame on one end, watched the sky lit up for over half an hour with amazing fireworks.  This we do because we are FREE. 

  I’ve been thinking about how people not of this lifestyle may view a wife such as myself.  I don’t think ‘free’ would be their first thought.  Oh, but I am.  I am so lucky to be in a relationship where I am free to be the real me.  I can express my need to not be in control.  I have freedom to say absolutely ANYTHING to my strong HOH because he wants to know the real inner me.  I am free to ask that ALL my needs are met and not just the mainstream, socially acceptable ones.

   Because of the freedom of this relationship, I feel protected, cherished, sexy and loved.  Without the openness he fosters, I would not feel free, I would feel trapped.  I’ve been there before, trapped by words I cannot say, by emotions I’m afraid to express, by needs even I don’t quite understand. 

 Trapped.  Isn’t that the opposite of free?

  It takes work to get to this point.  A good HOH will ask for lots of feedback.  Ask lots of questions, demand the WHOLE story as an answer.  The more freedom the wife feels to express herself, the better things get.  Wives should also make sure the relationship is a safe place for him to be free with his thoughts as well.

  And what of these husbands?  What does the work get them?  Freedom to be a man.  Freedom to be truly masculine in his own home.  Once the work is in place, he has the freedom to create a peaceful homelife because his leadership is respected.  Let’s not forget freedom to get all his sexual needs met and more.

  So what if the world thinks submissives live in bondage.  We know how free we are and we don’t need a national holiday to celebrate it.

God bless,

gg

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Why is Daddy the boss? Thursday, Jun 24 2010

  I was asked by a sweetly smudged little upturned face “Why is Daddy the boss?”

  My answer was kept simple since it was asked out of a child’s innocence.  “Because Daddy AND I both want it that way.”

  That seemed to be enough information to settle the matter for now.

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