testing, testing, 1,2,3… Tuesday, Sep 28 2010 

 There are many articles out there about the woman in a D/s relationship testing her man.  This happens for lots of reasons.  Some need to know he won’t back down, others need to feel like he really deserves to be Head of Household.  We test, sometimes unknowingly ,sometimes in full defiance, in many different ways. Let’s see, there is bratting, breaking rules, being disrespectful, being mouthy and a million other little things that, at some point in time, were meant to test the new dynamic and make sure he is taking his new role seriously.

Hopefully these HOHs dealt with the situation and let all parties involved know who is boss. The flip side of this  has much less written about it.  My sweet husband, and I think it might be true for most HOHs, did some testing of his own after my turn was over.

How might these dear men test the new waters their relationships  are navigating?  I’m sure the answers vary greatly, but they most likely fit into a few categories:

1. Bedroom submission.  So you’ve given your body to him with blanket consent, but did you really mean it?  Be ready to be awakened in the middle of the night on a night you have to get up very early, just so he can see if you will keep your word.  How about a blowjob right before you need to be somewhere?  Or doing that one thing you really don’t like and being enthusiastic about it even though you did it yesterday too. My husband tested in this department for quite a while before he realized I really do want to serve him in this way.

2. Rules.  When you first started out with D/s, he might have laid out some basic rules to be followed about your safety or keeping the household up on a daily basis.  No biggie, right?  You’ve had no problem following these (except for when you were testing him) but get ready for a few curveballs.   My husband , who never cared about how his socks were arranged in his drawer, suddenly was very particular about how I paired them and laid them together.   I knew he didn’t really care, but I guess I liked that he was kicking the tires of our new arrangement.  I could feel that it was a little test and was happy to comply.

3.  Because I said so.  This can manifest itself in many ways, but the men all seem to get to a point where they just want to beat their chest and roar.  We’ve been building up the ways they can express their testosterone, so this is to be expected.     It can be little things like changing the dinner plans for the evening (at the very last minute) because they want something else.  I’ve read of many spanking relationships getting to the point when he just spanked her because he could or felt she needed it.  How about telling you that you look very tired and should go to bed now even though it’s the night of your favorite TV show. UGH. Any of these might just be testing us to see if we really go along with this D/s thing or call it quits.  Oh, and there’s limiting internet/computer time  just because he can–don’t say you weren’t warned.

I’m sure there are hundreds of ways that Doms and subs test out the relationship to make sure their partner is playing for keeps.  To be honest, I’m not sure if subs ever really stop needing reassurance that their man doesn’t back down.  But, the men too experience a time when they need to know we are not just spicing up playtime, but that we are trying to make life long changes that will enhance our entire marriage.

busy busy busy Tuesday, Sep 21 2010 

  Life is just nuts with back to school and the charities I’m involved with and, and, and…  For someone who tries to be diligent about overscheduling, I AM SWAMPED!

So, I know some of you are waiting for responses to  e-mails that were written in earnest and I am trying very hard to give each one the attention you deserve. 

I also am working on a new post but in the mean time just wanted to let you know we are still alive and kicking.

God bless,