Do people actually make love in a power transfer D/s relationship? Thursday, May 21 2009 

This question was in the comment section yesterday…

I do have a question… do you ever just make love? I mean old fashioned, no power transfer lovemaking?

thanks,
us

The short answer is yes, quite often.

The longer answer can be understood by anyone currently having married sex. 

Sometimes you are so drawn to the other person and you make sweet emotional love to each other.  It’s less about physical needs and more about being close.

Sometimes you are just plain horny and God gave you a person to help meet those physical needs.

It’s the same with us.  I’d say we make love about once to twice a week even though we have sex much, much more than that.  Just the other day we were working on a photo  project and started talking about when the kids were babies and we got very emotional and had the softness little lovemaking session. We kissed and nuzzled and I cried because it was so beautiful. No one was in charge.  No one was submissive.

Later that same day I was pressed up against the wall as I showered. No kissing, no eye contact, just a stern voice in my ear telling me to keep still.  It was exciting and powerful.

Which one is better?  Do I have to pick?   

 They are both a wonderful part of our marriage.  Both are keys to why we are so happy.  They each feed a different area our relationship. 

 Every couple needs to connect deeply and each couple needs some excitement.  Sometimes sex can do both.

raising your hand to your mate Friday, May 15 2009 

I’ve been talking to a lovely lady who is also a submissive wife.  She wanted to know if I thought it was OK if her husband slapped her face sometimes.

I have a hard time with this because there is no way I could get my face slapped without feeling disrespected and degraded.  It’s hard to not judge by what I would feel.

It has been pointed out to me that many of the things I truly enjoy might make another woman feel degraded.  I can see their point and can even agree with it.

I don’t think a man should hit his wife in anger, let me put that out there right now.

This lady says she likes it in sex play just as some enjoy a firm spanking.  My thoughts on this, because she DID ask me, is that God made the rump, especially the cushioned female rump, to withstand a few good licks without sustaining any damage at all.  This is not true of the face.  The face can bruise badly, nerve damage can occur and eyes  have internal parts that can be knocked loose.  I don’t see how behavior with these risks can be done with love.

I realize that not all women would, but I feel much love in my Husband’s behavior and the way he treats me.  He would never do anything that could damage my body or mind.  He is my protector.

dirty talk or controlling voice? Sunday, May 10 2009 

Chuck wrote us that he just doesn’t talk dirty/use his voice because he is not comfortable with the vocabulary associated with it.

Although in this house, the controlling voice I love does talk dirty, it really is not necessary to maintain control.  The submissive wife likes the feelings of control and there is no set vocabulary for that.  Is “go soak in the tub so you are ready for me” dirty?  I don’t see any ‘dirty’ words there.  “look at me when you orgasm” “you look beautiful laid open for me” “soaking wet already?’  These don’t have any of the traditionally ‘dirty’ words in it.

Chuck seems to think dirty talk and using for voice for control are one and the same.  They are not.  My husband maintains a level of control outside of the bedroom that never contains ‘dirty’ talk. “Ease up over there, Angel.  Let it go now” when I’m stressing over something that really needn’t be wasting my energy is an example.  See, no dirty words, but control was established.

If your question is about heady bedroom talk without naughty words.  I would first ask you why you feel a certain word is naughty.  Within the boundaries of married sex, are there naughty words?  If your wife is turned off by the scientific sounding ‘vagina’ used during sex, how will you say you love how wet it gets?  Is an alternate word for the same body part dirty? vulgar?  In regular conversation with the guys, it may be.  But this is your wife.  She knows you respect her and love her and strive for her pleasure.   If your fear is being disrespectful, ask her if there are words she really is turned off by.  Consider all other words fair game.  Say them out loud into the mirror until they don’t feel odd in your mouth.

If all ‘dirty’ words are off limits for someone’s boundaries, sex talk can still carry on with the examples from above. “when I decide your mouth is finished, I’m bending you over the bed” doesn’t have a single word in it you could not say to your grandma.  You just wouldn’t say them in that order.

Bless you,

God’s gift to Him

We’re back. Saturday, May 2 2009 

Back from vacation and sifting through e-mails. 

I will attempt to answer some questions very soon.

God bless you,

God’s gift to Him