How do we define what we are? Tuesday, Aug 17 2010 

  So we’ve talked about it.  Do we have a new definition for us? We don’t think we are in a ‘spanking relationship’.   He says I don’t need to fear a spanking as punishment for messing up. (If that is how your relationship works,  I’m glad you figured out what works for you.  It just doesn’t work for us right now.)

  He says he reserves the right to keep it in his back pocket to pull out if we fall away from our roles as we both have defined them.  I’m cool with that.  I mean, I guess it’s always been that way even though we had not spanked.  I’ve given him the power to make decisions regarding our relationship and this was never completely “off the table” it just wasn’t discussed much.  Now, it’s out there on the table in full view and may or may not get dusted off in the future.

 How does this change our relationship?  The spanking option itself doesn’t change anything at all.  The fact that he took charge a few weeks ago and went ahead with a decision he made by himself only adds to the respect I already had. 

That’s about it. 

Spanking changes some relationships drastically.  I think this may be because they used it early on to establish the roles, which is totally fine and sometimes necessary.  We already knew how we were going to relate to each other the rest of our lives.  So although the spanking accomplished the task of the day (“recalibrating” as BabyMan called it), it wasn’t needed to define an entire marriage.  We had already done that.

God bless,

gg

thoughts on my spanking Wednesday, Aug 4 2010 

  I had went back and forth about sharing with you dear readers that my husband spanked me last week.  I’ve tried to be very open about our relationship up until then, so I didn’t see the point in hiding it. 

  I knew I’d lose a few followers who had expressed to me that they like our blog because every other D/s blog (Christian or not) spanks and it doesn’t line up with their thinking.  I’ve never avoided the topic of spanking, we just didn’t partake in it ourselves.

  So, the e-mails have piled up.  Many supportive (and a few down right hilarious), others insulting and a few just honestly disappointed our relationship took this turn.  Since we live D/s, I get to pass the buck and blame him for leading us in that direction, right?  🙂

  I keep getting the same few questions over and over again, so I thought I would just answer them here. 

1.  Were you particularly naughty or bratty that day?  What did you do to deserve a spanking from out of the blue?

  No,  I was not naughty at all.  I don’t really do naughty. I’ve been too busy anyway.  Actually, for how crazy this summer is with kids’ schedules, we’ve been pretty darn peaceful with each other.  The D/s just got pushed so far back behind everything else and he decided to bring it to the forefront of both of our minds.

2. Were you  mad at him?

  No. Shocked YES.  Mad, no.  There was a quality of serenity to the whole thing that I can’t quite explain.  Perhaps those that spank who read here can expound on it better than I can.  But he was so very very calm,  accepting of a range of reactions I went through, didn’t back down when I truly thought I wanted him to, and was so tender with me afterwards.

  I started our move toward D/s and I know he has embraced his role as HOH.  We’ve both written about his slow, sometimes painfully so, transition from playing along, to embracing his dominant nature.  I can’t help but see how far he has come when he took me over his knee because our dynamic was lacking something for BOTH of us. 

I would have guessed if this ever happened it would be because he thought I needed to feel his leadership.  And that is true, but the fact that at that moment HE needed to see and feel my submission just as much, well I suppose that is what I always hoped for—that this ‘lifestyle’, this way of relating to each other, would feed him as much as it does me. He spanked me to meet BOTH of our needs that day. I can’t express how beautiful that is to me. I met a need in him when I submitted to the spanking.

3.  Do you feel differently now that you are in a spanking relationship?  Do you wish he would have asked you before making this change?

  First of all, I’m not sure we are in a spanking relationship.  He pulled out this new ‘tool’ when we found ourselves way outside of how we normally feel about each other.  He’d be the first to tell you that I don’t need regular ‘correction’ and if I do, just ‘the look’ stops me in my tracks, and a stern talking to in which  he tells me I let him down just breaks my heart. I think the spanking I got was easier to take then the times he makes me look into his eyes from where I sit on the floor and he tells me how I’ve disappointed him.

  Secondly, on asking me first, or how other readers have worded it, should we have at least discussed it so he knew my feelings on the subject before he decided.  Well, my answer to that is this…I gave him the right and the power for these decisions a long time ago.  Whether I agree with what he did, like or hate what he did or feel differently about him is irrelevant.  This is a D/s marriage now.

If you’ve read from the beginning, I was still holding on to a few things and I may have been the sub, but it may have actually been a little more like this- D/S, or even d/S.  But now, not only saying, but really truly believing that it wasn’t for me to decide, shows me I might have earned my little s.  I’ve come a long way understanding my own submission and I couldn’t have done it without such an awesome husband.

4.  How hard did he spank you, did he  use any implements, did he leave any marks.  You were vague!!!!!

   He only used his hand and I was still red the next day.

5.  I have to know, did you cry?

   Yes.  I cycled through crying, then thinking I was done and then crying again a few times during that spanking. I rarely cry.

God bless,

gg

PS  Husbands, one little piece of advice, if you are going to try this and have it last a while like ours did, please make sure your wife doesn’t have a full bladder before you start.

First time for everything. Tuesday, Jul 27 2010 

I’m trying for complete honesty about something unexpected that took place yesterday…

“I need you to come over here”

“K”

“No, on the floor here please

“K” (so far nothing seems abnormal-I’m often placed on my knees before him)

“I read your blog, you know

“I know, thanks”

“It gives me really great insight into how you, and we, are still changing”

“Thanks”

“You should write more often

“Well, this year has been pretty crazy, and this summer is the busiest one yet”

“Yes, you have been really busy. How are you feeling?”

“Fine. I’m sure glad your mom wanted the kids for the night though, I could use some time to catch up on this house.  Why?”

“I mean how do you feel about us right now?  About our relationship?  About our ‘dynamic’?”

“I guess I haven’t really had time to stop and think about it, like I said, this summer has been crazy.”

“Yes, it has.  I have to apologize to you.  I feel I’ve let my side of the D/s slide lately because of being busy and because you seem a little frazzled. We haven’t felt like ‘us’ lately”

“It’s OK honey, I’m sure it’s not your fault.”

“Well, I AM the leader here.”

***nods***

“I’ve been trying to think of a way to  reestablish our roles around here.  I’ve been lacking  and I know you are happiest when you are dominated and feel submissive.”

***nods***

“Your blog had all the answers”

***quickly filing mentally through posts and figuring where he is going with this***

“Undress please”

  So, my mind is racing.  He is very very calm and speaking quite slowly. I stand up and face him and begin to remove my clothes.  He caresses my forearm a few times as if reassuring me.

  I’m maneuvered into an odd position.  If you can picture this.  There is an ottoman right in front of where he sits on the couch.  Imagine sitting on his lap, straddling him, facing away  then laying all the way down so one’s face and shoulders are on the ottoman.  So, I have a knee on each side of him, my shins up against the backrest of the couch, my belly on his thighs and my shoulders supported on the ottoman.  That’s as close as I’m getting to drawing a diagram.

  Then, he starts rubbing my lower back and bottom and thighs as they are right in his lap.  He begins telling me that he’s the boss here, even in the summer, even when the kids are always around, even when life is hectic and then SMACK.

  “WHAAAAAAAT?”

You wrote about establishing roles with a spanking and we need establishing right now”  SMACK

“But….. but, but we don’t spank!”

Why don’t we spank?” SMACK

“Wait. ummm, wait.  We don’t spank because of my back injury.  Because of the nerve pain I get.”

Well, I don’t plan to get anywhere near that” SMACK.

He had been striking the outside of the back of my upper thighs.  The nerve pain I get runs down the main nerve in the middle of the back of the leg(the sciatic nerve for those of you who appreciate the technical side of things) and can be somewhat disabling when it really flares up.  He did his homework.  He wasn’t going to harm me.  Of course he wasn’t.

(Dialog after this point, gets a little sketchy, but I’ll do my best)

You wrote that as a submissive, you can understand the need to be put in your place physically.  You wrote that this is an obvious display of who is the boss.  We both need this.” (smacks every other word, I think)

 I may have panicked.  I was asked to put my hands under my face and keep them there.  I tried.

 Here’s some of the stuff that went through my head… 

 I wanted to cover up.  I’ve been in this position before with him in a sexual context and have not had the urge to cover myself even though I felt  exposed.  But yesterday, I had a powerful urge to cover myself.  This was not a sexual situation and the position felt nearly humiliating.  I’ve never wanted a pair of panties so bad in my life.

OW!

I’m ashamed to say that it crossed my mind that he would not go through with it.  That he would be done any second.  That he wasn’t serious.  That I didn’t need a “who is who”.  I actually doubted he had it in him. 

When it became apparent that he wasn’t stopping anytime soon, I started talking and was hushed.  I’m not sure what I said.  He went on about working at being the leader I needed.    I think I was sweating while he talked about over scheduling.  I know I was begging, while he talked about respect.

I was shocked at what he was able to deliver.  Since we don’t spank, I had never asked myself if he could follow through. My level of surprise tells me that I had underestimated my man.

The smacks slowed.  They were replaced by light rubbing.  The tenderness in his touch nearly broke my heart.  I laid quiet on his lap.  There were some soft murmurs from him now and then.  After a while he said “come here”.  I flipped around and roped my arms around his neck.

He ran his fingers up and down my back and through my hair. then he asked how I feel about us now.  I said the only thing that came to mind. 

“better”

“Me too.”

let the punishment fit the crime Friday, Jun 18 2010 

  I have a stupid grin on my face.  My sweet husband has been reading the blog.  He found it interesting that I wrote about feeling more ‘in mommy mode’ during the summer because he said it’s already VERY obvious to him that this happens, but did not know that I realized it happens.

 He also ribbed me for writing about spanking even though we don’t spank.  I explained that our readers DO KNOW that, but sometimes ask for advice anyway.  

He never looked up from his newspaper when he said “well, for the combination of both of those offences, I really should put you over my knee.  That way you would know what you were writing about and you might snap back into ‘wife mode’ as well”.  I just kept ironing the shirts, but I can’t seem to lose this dumb grin.

Don’t you love it when they get all dommish on you?  **smiles***

Have a wonderful weekend,

God’s gift to him

PS  I somehow deleted an email from a reader who was asking some very specific advice.  If that is you, please accept my apology and send your questions again.  Thank you.

Establishing roles with a spanking Monday, Apr 12 2010 

I received a letter from a husband who is moving toward being a more dominant HOH (head of household).  He has asked for some advice.  With his permission, I am posting a portion of his letter…

   My wife says although she respects me as a person, she doesn’t feel real respect for me as HOH.  I feel strongly that we are in need of our own AHA moment, but I just don’t know what to do.  She doesn’t brat or really do anything wrong because she wants to please me.  From speaking with her, I know that she could use a straight forward dominant display with no chance I’ll back down.  She wants to feel my power. I think  a real spanking would do the trick, but as I said, she’s not naughty or bratty or anything like that and I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill just for the chance to spank her because she needs/wants it.  I could use your advice.

 Well, all my readers who spank may feel free to chime in here, but I’ll give this one a shot.  Even though we don’t spank, I think I can wrap my head around the dynamics of it.  Spanking is an obvious showing of who’s who in the D/s relationship.  From my own submissive standpoint, I would think that you can spank her just because you both need the roles established in an outward and obvious way. 

Would it be out of the question to call her to you and tell her that you know all her submissive needs are not quite being met and you’ve decided to try something new to help establish your roles within the household?  I believe it is just fine to take her over your knee and let her know she’s learning today that you mean what you say and will not be backing down.  Tell her you’ve realized that the only way you are going to get the full respect a HOH deserves from her is with her bottom warmed.  If you need to lecture her  during the spanking (and she hasn’t done anything wrong to correct)   tell her she’s asked to feel your power and now she is going to hold still because she asked for this.

Please see my other posts about spanking and how to do it properly. HERE (but no need for role playing) and HERE.   I know I’ve not had a full spanking before, but as a submissive, I do  understand the need for you to make sure you finish the spanking.  This could backfire if you can’t finish the job.  If you don’t have a crying, begging girl on your lap, your job is not done yet.  Be stern, be thorough and when it is over be loving to your wife who now understands things a little better.

Readers, especially the ones that use spanking, please chime in with your advice as well.

—————————————

This portion is being added on April 15th…

I have received several e-mails on the topic.  They range from kindly informational to insultingly mean.

I do not mean to insult the spanking community by posting on the topic without being in a spanking relationship myself.  I get asked for advice, I do what I can to provide a thoughtful answer. And I appreciate those that add their advice to the comments section.

It seems everyone (so far) agrees with me in the portion where I told the husband he can spank just to establish roles and without his wife doing something that needs punishing.  I used the word “crying” in the advice and that is where people are divided.

Once again, we do not spank and I am only speaking from a submissive partner’s point of view, but what I meant to express was the submissive’s need for the husband to see the spanking through to the end.  Each husband should be in tune with his wife enough to know when this point has been reached.  For some this may be tears, for some it may be when they are silent or are still and accepting of what the husband thinks is needed.  Every woman is different.

dominant reader mail Thursday, Oct 22 2009 

I like that some of the readers here are dominant males. They occasionally post a comment, but are more likely to e-mail a question or thought.  Here’s a wonderful note from “Steve”.

  Dear God’s gift,

    Your blog has been helpful to me as a man examining his own dominant potential.  As you have said, you offer a peek into a submissive’s heart and that has been an interesting view.

    I would like to thank you for freeing me up to explore D/s more deeply than I thought I could.  I’ve had my wife read a few of your posts so I could ask her if she felt the same way or how she felt she differed from you.  I’ve even included writing assignment and you were right about the revelations that can come from them.

   I admit that I did not understand the submissive side of things until recently.  We’ve summed it up with this:  She wants to be pleasing to me.   This is not nearly as simple as it may seem at first.  Because of her submissive nature, she needs to feel that she can please me in any way I need.  In the past, if she couldn’t/wouldn’t meet a need or want of mine,  I didn’t make a big deal of it at all because I loved her.  She would end up in tears because of the guilt she put on herself over the tiniest of failures.

  With your help and her opening up to me, I’ve learned that she needed to feel she was still my good girl.  I don’t allow her to let herself down anymore.  Before, she would beat herself up if she didn’t do what I needed of her, not because of anything I would do, but because of her own submissive nature.   We’ve talked about it and I think I understand the let down she would get from not submitting to me.  We’ve discovered the answer.  I don’t allow her to NOT submit.  This took some adjustment in my thinking because I do love and respect my wife.

  I’ll try to show by example what I am speaking of.  Here’s just a small one.  I love her in certain outfits.  In the past, I’ve asked her to change into something I prefer and if she said she didn’t feel like it or asked if it was OK if she maybe did it later, I would say that was fine and it really was fine. The problem was that later she would start to feel  guilty over not complying with my request.  She didn’t feel like my good girl.  She might actually be in tears over not granting my wish and would feel like something was wrong with her submission which she prizes.  After our long talks, I do things differently.  If she politely turns me down, I now might march her into her closet and say “Now” or pull her over my knee for a few stinging slaps on the bottom and ask her if she’d like to try her response again.

  Even I would have thought this all sounded beastly a few months ago.  But, in my search to truly understand my wife and our new dynamic, I’ve realized how to meet her needs.  On occasions like the above example, she may sulk for a bit, but within a few hours, she thanks me greatly for helping her with her submission to me.  She no longer lives with any feelings of guilt or failure because I am strong enough to aid her in not failing.  I don’t allow her to let herself down.  I don’t allow her any actions that would make her miserable later.

  This has resulted in her greater happiness.  I’ve felt more manly too.  I didn’t think I needed to feel more masculine in our marriage, but it has done great things for our compatibility and intimacy both in and out of the bedroom.

Thank you for helping us understand each other,

Steve.

 

  Steve, you are very kind for sharing.  It takes a very strong man to be able to aid his wife with her submission in such a way.  It’s lovely how you embrace her submission and are able to use your position as leader to help her attain what she desires.  She must be so much happier without the guilt she had been applying to her own self defeat.

Everything you want to know about loving erotic spanking Monday, Jan 19 2009 

I’d like to thank Katheryn for her addition to the last post.  Your e-mails have been encouraging and entertaining as well.

Since you asked, I guess I need to share why we don’t spank in our relationship.  Simple answer.  I’ve had back surgery a few times and get horrible nerve pain down the back of my legs quite often.  So, as delicious as a long over the knee session sounds to Him, He would never want to put me through days of great discomfort and weakness.  He can just make me weak in the knees other ways. **wink**  I do sometimes get a few fun slaps on the outside of my hip or thigh during sex, but that is as far as we can safely take it.

Why do D/s couples enjoy spanking?       I’ve asked some friends and read up on it as well as thought about my own feelings on the matter.  I’d like to share what I have discovered.

First of all, I did not plan on jumping right into this topic as it truly in NOT central to our type of relationship (Sexual D/s in a loving Christian marriage, for those of you just joining us).  A lot of you e-mailed about this topic so we jumped right in with in.  You can take it or leave it as it is NOT a key aspect of this type of relationship.  I’m going over it because of the curiosity level, but do not want you to think it carries much weight or defines this ‘lifestyle’.

OK,  the main draw to spanking in a D/s marriage is that the Husband likes to feel in control and the wife likes to feel that control and think of her Husband as a powerful man in charge.  It is often this complete transfer of power/control that is the turn on and not the actual slapping of the rump.  If you asked these men if they like slapping their wives, nearly all would say absolutely not.  It’s the position of power that displays their wife’s submission so thoroughly that is erotic. Wives usually say the same thing and include that they enjoy it much more than their husbands. (men, if you have a wife that is asking you to be more dominant, but are having a hard time actually coming up with ideas, here is a no-brainer dominant show of shows, just make sure your words are confident and low the whole time 🙂 )

For the purpose of this post, we are talking about a full spanking session, not just a few slaps during lovemaking Many couples include those love taps (which may be really firm or barely there) and would never consider themselves in a D/s marriage.  We are talking about submitting to a bun warming experience that many find to be a wonderful experience.

Why sexually submissive wives often love this:  The power transfer in this situation is not subtle.  You can give in completely and literally feel the strength of your man.  Women like us NEED to feel their power.  It makes us feel safe and protected to be with a strong man.  If you are wired like me, it turns you on to feel his strength and know “He’s the man”!

In Katheryn’s last article she mentioned “losing it”.  This is a biggie for many subbie wives.  Strong women like us, who run households, or companies, or charities, but like to give up control in the bedroom may feel drawn to situations where their sweet understanding husbands take over so fully that they “lose it”. Meaning they lose every ounce of control and that complete submission to their powerful husband is cathartic.

One friend, Char, states it like this.  She says that most women need a good emotional flood once in a while (even though many won’t admit it).  She says she has friends that when they know they need to clean out the emotions, they rent a really sad movie and allow themselves to just sob and sob.  When it’s over they feel more centered and able to take on the world again.  There was an episode of Every Loves Raymond where his wife would make herself cry once a month by just “making a really sad crying face”.  It took a lot of explaining to Ray that women are just wired differently and need the emotional outlet EVEN IF THEY ARE STRONG WOMEN.  Spanking, says Char, is her outlet.

Char explains it this way:  After years of thinking that being intelligent meant not giving in to your emotions and thinking that strength meant being strong all of the time, she just could not let herself “let go” and clear it all out.  The idea of crying it out during a movie was confusing.  She says as she realized that a D/s sexual realtionahip was just what she needed, she found out more about what spanking can do.  As much as she loved giving up control in the bedroom to her husband, she just couldn’t ask for a real spanking even thought the idea of really ‘letting herself go”in full submissions was something she could not get out of her head.  Char poo-pooed the idea when her husband asked about it.  She explains suddenly feeling very shy and even though her mind was screaming YES, she told her man that she didn’t think it was for her.  You should see her smile when she talks about the night her loving husband took her over his knee anyway. 

It seems Char’s husband had read up on the subject on another website for loving D/s relationships and found out how meaningful the full submission of this practice can be for a wife.  He learned how to slowly escalate spanking from light rubs and slaps to firm spanks that can redden a bottom.  He learned how taking your time can release certain hormones that keep it from feeling like pain and instead bringing pleasure.  He learned that if you push past the point where your sexually submissive wife breaks down or “loses it”, she revels in the full submission she has longed to give. 

Char says he did it perfectly.  He just took command and did it.  She said he allowed her to fight him as he knew a strong woman would.  She said when she reached her point when all control was finally gone, she understood why her friends that cry for a whole movie feel so good.  Just letting it all out cleared the cobwebs and she just felt so centered.  Her husband gave her a gift she cannot give herself because of how she (and many of us) define our “strength”.  Char says she feels amazingly close to her husband after a session like this(which usually takes half an hour).  He now seems to know when she needs to just let it all out and this is his gift to her.  For them, it is almost always followed by sex because she can’t help but feel turned on by this wildly dominant display and she feels girly and flirty for days around her big strong man.

I think this runs very closely to women who cry right after or during orgasm.  Women who just can’t let it all out in their everyday lives feel so overtaken by orgasms (which really DO control your body for a short time) and are overwhelmed by the period of powerlessness and let the emotions just roll out.  In spanking, loving husbands are not only doing that for you, but can make it last as long as needed.

When is a spank, just a spank?  So all this emotional release stuff just not for you?  That’s great.  Although, stay open because you just might be surprised.  Spanking can just be a spank for you.  You’ve established that you like giving up control and spanking is a powerful expression of that.  Good for you.  You trust your husband or you would not be in a D/s with him.  If you just like the idea of over the knee submission,  If the thought of him dominating you in this new way is nothing but erotic fun, then by all means, HAVE FUN.  Just as Katheryn said, everytime you sit down and feel a tiny sting that your sexy dominant Husband put there the night before, you will giggle like a school girl at his Alpha male display.

Some couples like a “scenario” and in the last post Katheryn gave a great example.  This scene can stand by itself as a sexy romp or just be foreplay.Some couples just use it as a toy in their sexual bag of tricks.  During any given fun loving D/s exchange, a husband may throw it in.  He can use it as a break if he is getting close to orgasm and needs to cool off.  Many wives would love to be close to an orgasm, be totally dominated in a long spanking and then resume intercourse or other sexy activities with their husbands.   The spanking itself can also be dotted with manual stimulation or the use of toys in between level of spanking.

Some couples relish in the “struggle”.  The wife is allowed to say no and must be overpowered.  Let’s be honest. You are in this type of relationship because you like the idea that your man is powerful enough to pin you, to take you.  That very idea does it for you.  In this case, you really need to have a “safeword”.  I know there is a school of thought that there is no need for a safeword in a loving marriage.  I would like to advise that it is smart to establish one just because of the unknown.  What if in your struggle you smash your own hand against a dresser and think you may have broken it.  There are going to be hard feelings if you are screaming STOP in this situation and you are ignored.  Please, just agree on one and leave it at that.  Only pull it out for emergencies.

Other couples may not use or need a struggle.  The very act of submitting when told to pull panties down and lay over a lap may be beautiful to both.  It’s up to you.

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT DISCIPLINE.  There are couples out there who say they lovingly use spanking as a form of  real discipline.  They have their own thought about why this works for them.  This blog is about marriages that are between equals in life, but have a transfer of power in their sexlife.  Although we cannot use  spanking in our own sexlife, I like to think about that type of surrender and usually wish we could.  I DO NOT, however, wish my husband would spank me if I didn’t fold his shirts the way He prefers.  I would be angry, feel degraded and definitely NOT CHERISHED.  If it works for them, fine, but I want to establish that this is not what I am talking about here in this article.  If it is fun for you to “play” at this  **you naughty girl, my closet is just a mess, come in here and let me teach you a lesson** that is a world apart from using a spanking to make sure your closet is in order tomorrow.

HOW TO?  I think Katheryn put the prefect how to in the last post.  The main idea to a spanking session is to take your time, build slowly and push through to the point of complete control through complete submission.  Please go back and read her step by step including aftercare.

NOT SURE?  If you are a Husband reading this and your Alpha male displays have her pawing at you for days.  I’d say go for it.  Really.  If you are a wife and this sounds heavenly, your spot is trickier.  You don’t want to run the show and you may feel that asking for it defeats the purpose.  Hopefully, you talk about your relationship often and you can hint.  You can also give a very strong reaction to any playful spanks you may get during sex.  That may get him thinking you really like it.  You can also try sending him this or another article on the idea.  Who knows, you may get a surprise soon!

God Bless you,

God’s Gift to Him