At his feet Thursday, Aug 19 2010 

The following post would have shocked and/or offended me ten years ago (although it’s quite vanilla to my regular readers). I would have thought horrible thoughts about the woman who wrote it.   

I recently went to a conference with my husband where he was one of the presenters.   He was speaking in a large auditorium on a somewhat broad topic and then speaking later in a smaller meeting room on a very specific narrowed down subset of that topic.  I attended both.

  The presentation to the large group went very well and when the floor was opened for questions I could hear the respect and awe of the audience (who was filled with people who are also very smart and rather important as well).  Ten years ago, I would have thought to myself “that’s right people, he’s mine”.  How did I feel this time?  I was beaming because I am his.  He chose me and he chooses me again all the time.  This man has options (although he would never say that) and still he chooses me and our family again and again.  I am his.  He looked so cool and casual up there and I was pulled toward him.  I didn’t leave my seat, but I wanted so badly to inch closer, to be with him, to feel his hand under my hair, firmly on my neck, and let everyone see that posture of ownership.

   We had a few minutes before the next meeting and I used it to affirm how well he had done and tell him how proud I am to be his wife.  He just winked at me and shook a bunch of hands of people who appeared to want to be close to him as well.

  The second meeting started and I was sure to get a seat in the front row.  He sounded more brilliant than before.  I was overwhelmed with the need to be at his feet.  We don’t have kneeling or bowing or posturing as part of our relationship as some D/s couples do, but I am sometimes put at his feet while he sits on the couch so we can have a serious chat.  It’s actually quite an affectionate position for BOTH of us and helps me with my desired mindset.

But this day, I wanted, needed, desired, yearned for the chance to actually kneel. I was so enamored by his intellect, so humbled that he chooses me that I could barely suppress the urge to put my forehead on his shoes. I had never experienced this before.

I could picture it. I’d quietly walk  the few steps to him and get on my knees and fold in half with my face at his feel.  He wouldn’t stop talking to the group as he motioned for me to unfold and move to his side.  Then I would simply kneel next to him while his hand on my hair softly held my head to the side of his knee.

If you are a parent, you’ve been in the position that I describe my husband in, right?  Your small child wants you, but you are talking to someone, so you just hold their shoulder or head against your thigh/hip so they know they are wanted too while you finish your conversation. Oh to live in a society where wives could do the same!

I was quite obsessed with moving to his feet and wrapped my fingers around the edge of my seat to ensure I did not move without thinking.  I’ve never had a problem saying that I admire my husband but this level of intensity was new.  My inner feminist should have been beating me up, but she wasn’t.  I simply felt soft and girly and so very peaceful.

Later I tried to explain what had happened  at the meeting.  He sat there with a big question mark on his face.  When I was done he said “well of course you did, I mean look at me” which was a huge joke on his part, but he did let me sit at his feet just a little longer before pulling me up on his lap.

How do we define what we are? Tuesday, Aug 17 2010 

  So we’ve talked about it.  Do we have a new definition for us? We don’t think we are in a ‘spanking relationship’.   He says I don’t need to fear a spanking as punishment for messing up. (If that is how your relationship works,  I’m glad you figured out what works for you.  It just doesn’t work for us right now.)

  He says he reserves the right to keep it in his back pocket to pull out if we fall away from our roles as we both have defined them.  I’m cool with that.  I mean, I guess it’s always been that way even though we had not spanked.  I’ve given him the power to make decisions regarding our relationship and this was never completely “off the table” it just wasn’t discussed much.  Now, it’s out there on the table in full view and may or may not get dusted off in the future.

 How does this change our relationship?  The spanking option itself doesn’t change anything at all.  The fact that he took charge a few weeks ago and went ahead with a decision he made by himself only adds to the respect I already had. 

That’s about it. 

Spanking changes some relationships drastically.  I think this may be because they used it early on to establish the roles, which is totally fine and sometimes necessary.  We already knew how we were going to relate to each other the rest of our lives.  So although the spanking accomplished the task of the day (“recalibrating” as BabyMan called it), it wasn’t needed to define an entire marriage.  We had already done that.

God bless,

gg

thoughts on my spanking Wednesday, Aug 4 2010 

  I had went back and forth about sharing with you dear readers that my husband spanked me last week.  I’ve tried to be very open about our relationship up until then, so I didn’t see the point in hiding it. 

  I knew I’d lose a few followers who had expressed to me that they like our blog because every other D/s blog (Christian or not) spanks and it doesn’t line up with their thinking.  I’ve never avoided the topic of spanking, we just didn’t partake in it ourselves.

  So, the e-mails have piled up.  Many supportive (and a few down right hilarious), others insulting and a few just honestly disappointed our relationship took this turn.  Since we live D/s, I get to pass the buck and blame him for leading us in that direction, right?  🙂

  I keep getting the same few questions over and over again, so I thought I would just answer them here. 

1.  Were you particularly naughty or bratty that day?  What did you do to deserve a spanking from out of the blue?

  No,  I was not naughty at all.  I don’t really do naughty. I’ve been too busy anyway.  Actually, for how crazy this summer is with kids’ schedules, we’ve been pretty darn peaceful with each other.  The D/s just got pushed so far back behind everything else and he decided to bring it to the forefront of both of our minds.

2. Were you  mad at him?

  No. Shocked YES.  Mad, no.  There was a quality of serenity to the whole thing that I can’t quite explain.  Perhaps those that spank who read here can expound on it better than I can.  But he was so very very calm,  accepting of a range of reactions I went through, didn’t back down when I truly thought I wanted him to, and was so tender with me afterwards.

  I started our move toward D/s and I know he has embraced his role as HOH.  We’ve both written about his slow, sometimes painfully so, transition from playing along, to embracing his dominant nature.  I can’t help but see how far he has come when he took me over his knee because our dynamic was lacking something for BOTH of us. 

I would have guessed if this ever happened it would be because he thought I needed to feel his leadership.  And that is true, but the fact that at that moment HE needed to see and feel my submission just as much, well I suppose that is what I always hoped for—that this ‘lifestyle’, this way of relating to each other, would feed him as much as it does me. He spanked me to meet BOTH of our needs that day. I can’t express how beautiful that is to me. I met a need in him when I submitted to the spanking.

3.  Do you feel differently now that you are in a spanking relationship?  Do you wish he would have asked you before making this change?

  First of all, I’m not sure we are in a spanking relationship.  He pulled out this new ‘tool’ when we found ourselves way outside of how we normally feel about each other.  He’d be the first to tell you that I don’t need regular ‘correction’ and if I do, just ‘the look’ stops me in my tracks, and a stern talking to in which  he tells me I let him down just breaks my heart. I think the spanking I got was easier to take then the times he makes me look into his eyes from where I sit on the floor and he tells me how I’ve disappointed him.

  Secondly, on asking me first, or how other readers have worded it, should we have at least discussed it so he knew my feelings on the subject before he decided.  Well, my answer to that is this…I gave him the right and the power for these decisions a long time ago.  Whether I agree with what he did, like or hate what he did or feel differently about him is irrelevant.  This is a D/s marriage now.

If you’ve read from the beginning, I was still holding on to a few things and I may have been the sub, but it may have actually been a little more like this- D/S, or even d/S.  But now, not only saying, but really truly believing that it wasn’t for me to decide, shows me I might have earned my little s.  I’ve come a long way understanding my own submission and I couldn’t have done it without such an awesome husband.

4.  How hard did he spank you, did he  use any implements, did he leave any marks.  You were vague!!!!!

   He only used his hand and I was still red the next day.

5.  I have to know, did you cry?

   Yes.  I cycled through crying, then thinking I was done and then crying again a few times during that spanking. I rarely cry.

God bless,

gg

PS  Husbands, one little piece of advice, if you are going to try this and have it last a while like ours did, please make sure your wife doesn’t have a full bladder before you start.