He’s back with more answers!!!

So we’ve covered a few of the every day elements for helping out your wife with those submissive feelings she desires and now we’ll move into the hotter stuff. 

(first I’d like to say thanks to the readers who pointed out a biggie I had overlooked.  That would be the husband’s grooming and hygiene.  No woman feels submissive to a man who is dressed like a slob with BBQ sauce on his shirt, nose hair growing wild, socks intolerably pungent and teeth so dirty they are fuzzy.  Doesn’t happen.  Act like a man if you want her to treat you like one)

OK, so here we go with the more controlling stuff.  I will move right into the sexy stuff and see how long this post gets.

This advice is for men who have a wife like mine.  This means you should only consider adding any of this to your marriage if your wife is happiest when used for your pleasure.  I had real trouble with that and my tiny little darling had to sit me down and say “when I say used, I mean USED”.  She has expressed that she wanted to give me blanket consent that would allow me to use her body in any way that pleased me.  Unlike many women out there, she feels great (and loved, cared for etc.) knowing that I will use her to meet any need or desire I may have.  She is truly so happy when I’ve done this. 

 Because of how she feels, I’ve come up with an arsenal of tactics I use to keep her feeling wanted, needed, pursued and sexy.  I also get a thing or two out of it myself. ***wink***

One thing to think about is that using her for your pleasure does not have to always mean intercourse.  Do you desire her with your eyes?  Do you like to just see her get off?  Do you just need quick release sometimes?  All of these can be utilized for a hotter marriage!

These are some things that I do on a regular basis that take charge of the show without a full blown lovemaking session.   Skirt days (see part 1 of this post)  make many of these much more convenient. Also, My wife has expressed that women feel very dominated when “used” sexually by a man who is fully dressed and stays that way.  She says he just seems to have an overpowering sense of self control if he  sits back and keeps his cool.  SO here’s a few ideas.

  1. Dominate with your gaze.  Men are visual, right? Let her know you’ve been thinking about her {insert favorite  body part here} all day long and you want to see it.   Tell her to lay over a coffee table, kitchen counter, anything for you so you can admire.  Once there was a day I was feeling especially ‘dommish’ and after telling her to climb up on the bar and open up for me, I told her to lay back because she wasn’t up there so I could look at her face.  (I think she’s beautiful and she knows it.  She’s asked for me to be pushy and controlling, so that’s what she gets.)  Take the time to admire her.  Tell her what you see.  Use your voice to maintain control.  You can also tell her to touch herself in very specific ways if you like.
  2. Use her body as a plaything.  I’ve laid her out on the sofa or ottoman next to me and touched and played as if I was just curious as to what reaction each action would get.  Fingers, toys, whatever.  She’s happy to have my attention and feels good.  Sometimes she gets an orgasm and sometimes I just stop and help her up and leave her revved up until later.  She likes this.  A lot.
  3. There are times when I’m super busy with a lot to do on the computer or important reading to catch up on.  If the kids are in bed, sometimes I can see she is itching for attention but is being respectful of my work.  On occasion I have pulled her over my lap (spanking position) and placed my  book or computer on her back.  With her skirt lifted, I play with her, usually fingers or by inserting a toy, and continue my work while having fun shushing her so I can concentrate.  She gets a little attention, we both get physical closeness and I get my work done.  This has gone on for hours.  I guess it’s just a spin on number 2.
  4. I have her touch herself.  I may be right there with her or I may be on the phone (sometimes, although rarely, by e-mail or text).  I control her by telling her what to do and if she should orgasm or not.  I’ve taken this pretty far with her bent over a barstool and telling her to  thrust with her fingers for me and sometimes it’s just a little touch under her skirt when nobody is looking.
  5. I use her for my release.  Sometimes a day is so frustrating that you just could use an orgasm for relaxation so you can calm down and enjoy your evening.  My wife is so amazing that she really loves that she can help me in this way with no muss and no fuss.  She also knows that it usually means LOTS of extra attention later that night when I am feeling better.  It mostly plays out one of two ways.  A  blowjob with her on her knees in front of my open fly or her bent over the bed or an armrest for the quickest quickie I can pull off.  Her needs are not addressed at that time and so this is when she feels the most dominated.  She says that she feels grateful that I can express that need to her (even if it is with few words and very strong hands) and I can use her body to feel better and relax.  She says the alternative is the husband who hides for several hours in order to recoup after a rough day.  Which is better, isolation or physical contact?

These few examples can be altered to any  number of situations, but those are the basics.  I do realize the last one does contain intercourse, but a super quickie is not the same as a long bedroom session and so it is listed here.

A few notes on these.  Control with your words is the most important.  Most submissive women are not thrilled if bent over the couch for twenty minutes but only feel you.  They feel alone without seeing or hearing you.  Use your voice man!  In any sexual encounter with your submissive wife, you need to maintain the dominance with your voice.  You don’t need many words, but a deep voice and some well chosen words keep a submissive’s head reeling.

Don’t know what to say?  The truth is it doesn’t matter much.  Directives are good but you don’t want to sound like a drill sargent.  Any statement that shows you are in charge.  My old stand by “that’s my girl” works wonders, “hmmm, my naughty girl” is good. Maybe even a little on the cocky side “yeah, you knew you’d like it”.

  Instructions that make her think in order to “obey” are often liked:  Do not  make  a sound, keep your hands clasped behind your back, the only word I want to hear from your mouth is yes (or no, or more, or my name, or please or whatever you would like to hear at the time), look me in the eye and don’t look away, or don’t look at me. If you use these, you can have fun enforcing them. 

Statements of what you are going to do.  “You are so hot. I’m going to lick you until you scream.  Trust me, you WILL scream for me tonight”  The submissive feelings she feels when you are bossy in the bedroom are very arousing for her.

Need more instruction on your words?  You can react to anything she says with a statement of control too.  She yells, ‘yes, do it like that’ you say “I didn’t ask your permission”.  She says ‘I can’t take anymore’ you growl in her ear “oh, you can baby, and you will.  You will'”.(as long as you are sure she’s not  needing you to stop for a real reason)    Generic things to say when you can’t think of anything are “that’s right angel”, “ugh that { favorite body part}! Whose { } is this? That’s right it’s mine.  Your { } belongs to me”, “just wait until I’m through with you”, “next time you’re going to beg for this”.

I feel more than a little funny about putting words in your mouth, but my dear wife has received several letters from women who are seriously upset about the silence during sexual encounters.  He talks  a decent game until it’s actually play time and then she gets nothing.  It’s very hard to feel dominated in silence so MAN UP and USE YOUR VOICE.  As it becomes more natural and also as your wife’s submission makes you feel more in control, it will come easier.

The less control she has in a situation, the more you need to give her your voice.  Don’t withhold it.

Also, restraining a hand or hands takes away some control, but don’t do it passively. They hate that because then they feel as if they have to pretend they can’t move.  If you want both of her hands behind her back, HOLD them there.  Remember, STRONG hands gentlemen.

Soon, I’ll answer your questions about the heavier sex stuff but for right now, go practice!

 

God bless you.