How do we define what we are? Tuesday, Aug 17 2010 

  So we’ve talked about it.  Do we have a new definition for us? We don’t think we are in a ‘spanking relationship’.   He says I don’t need to fear a spanking as punishment for messing up. (If that is how your relationship works,  I’m glad you figured out what works for you.  It just doesn’t work for us right now.)

  He says he reserves the right to keep it in his back pocket to pull out if we fall away from our roles as we both have defined them.  I’m cool with that.  I mean, I guess it’s always been that way even though we had not spanked.  I’ve given him the power to make decisions regarding our relationship and this was never completely “off the table” it just wasn’t discussed much.  Now, it’s out there on the table in full view and may or may not get dusted off in the future.

 How does this change our relationship?  The spanking option itself doesn’t change anything at all.  The fact that he took charge a few weeks ago and went ahead with a decision he made by himself only adds to the respect I already had. 

That’s about it. 

Spanking changes some relationships drastically.  I think this may be because they used it early on to establish the roles, which is totally fine and sometimes necessary.  We already knew how we were going to relate to each other the rest of our lives.  So although the spanking accomplished the task of the day (“recalibrating” as BabyMan called it), it wasn’t needed to define an entire marriage.  We had already done that.

God bless,

gg

a little dominance goes a long way Friday, Oct 2 2009 

A few days ago I was cooking and he walked up and grabbed a handful of hair and pulled my head back.  Usually he would kiss me kiss me firmly, but he just studied my face.  I stood there, arms limp at my sides with a knife still in hand, face tilted straight up to the ceiling, lips parted, neck exposed.

I think he surveyed me for two whole minutes.  There was a brief flash of what was almost a grin and then he just walked away.

My man knows me so well…

I could think of nothing else until we finally got the kids to sleep.

Those were the days… Tuesday, Sep 8 2009 

 

 

…or were they?  I think back often about the way we started.  How scared I was to reveal my soul to Him.  I had begun to realize things about myself.  I thought things a smart, educated, strong woman should not think.  I felt things a discerning, opinionated woman should not feel. 

  I remember actually feeling shame when I realized the thrill I got was from loss of control. The high from being dominated.  The charge from being used. 

There was much trepidation when I realized it was more than just play.  If I concede the joy of submission am I letting women everywhere down?  How about myself?

I kept it all to myself for quite a while.  I eventually realized I must share it with Him.  We don’t have the kind of relationship where it is OK to hide ourselves.  That’s what it came down to: hide or expose.  And so one day I laid myself bare before him.

He took a painfully long time to contemplate it all.  He had chosen a strong-willed woman.  Would he find my desire to be submissive an ugly change? 

I admit to reading some blogs that may have not been the best place for a Christian woman to learn about herself.  But here is what drew me; The doms I read found such beauty in the submission.  They found the willingness of a woman to embrace that side of herself winsome.  I hoped and literally prayed that my husband could also embrace the side of me I was learning to accept as well.

So, the point of this post?  It’s hard in the beginning.  You  have to embrace something within yourself that may seem go against how you’ve lived your life this far AND THEN (if you make it past that first scary part) you have to trust a secret part of yourself to your spouse and hope what he sees is beautiful.

Thank you to a reader who wishes to remain unnamed.  She wrote…

    I struggle right now, at this point where he accepts what I have revealed, because acceptance doesn’t seem to be nearly enough for me.  I want him to find my submission precious and beautiful because it is for him alone.  I dream that he will want to encourage and nurture it and see how lovely of a thing it could be for him.  He seems to only tolerate it while making a small effort at dominant behavior every now and then to make me happy.  I know this is new and he IS trying. This stage, and I pray it is only a stage, is very frustrating.  Have you been there?

Is anyone else there now?  It really is a frustrating time.  You don’t want to push him but you do need to be heard.  Only you know the heart of your relationship. 

Small steps are tricky when you think you know exactly what you want.  Be patient.  As happy as I am with His progress toward Dominant leader and our relationship right now, I often wish for more.  I wish he could free himself up from certain ways of thinking and embrace dominance like never before.

We’ll get there.  And when I look back I’ll see that I have enjoyed the trip as well.

 

PS  My dear Husband wrote about the early months of our D/s in this article

so much time, so little submission Thursday, Jul 16 2009 

Well, midwest summer is in full swing and our little family is brimming with family fun.  We’ve had long days with all the kids, swimming, playing ball, picnicking.  It has been glorious.

As I laid in bed last night, I felt I had an odd emotion tugging at me around the edges.  I didn’t know what to think.  He has had more time than usual with us and we’ve had a lot of fun with the kids.  He got in bed and fell asleep after a quick peck on the cheek.

I realized that my submissive tank is running a little low.  I’ve done all the little things I do to please Him and last night I made my body fully ready for Him before he joined me in bed, so outwardly I’m still submitting to His wishes.   But, as I’ve said before I only get submissive feelings when He is taking control and/or dominating me.  That doesn’t really happen too much with the kids around and at night, if He’s tired He sleeps.

I am ashamed to admit that it briefly crossed my mind to dosomething, start something, push Him, I don’t know, anything to get him in a big old Dominant mindset so He would feel the need to control the situation.  I let him doze off next to me because that is what he wanted at that moment. 

 After a few minutes, it struck me that he did just control the situation, didn’t he?  Maybe not how I would have chosen, but such is the life of a submissive.

God bless you dear readers,

God’s gift to him

Use your voice man! Monday, Apr 13 2009 

Once again, I’m hearing from wives who are frustrated over their husband’s lack of words during sex. 

My husband tried more than once to spell it out for you.  I know he gave lots of examples.

Perhaps the submissive side of the conversation needs to be heard.  Men, if you are in a relationship and have adopted the dominant role, your voice is your most powerful tool.  Yes, you can force with your body if you are strong, but the way we FEEL controlled is with your words.

I can’t imagine the things my Husband does having even half the power if they didn’t include his voice.  If it’s hard for you, ask her for help.  Just as my Husband told you to have your wife write things to make sure you are on the right track, ask her to write some things she might like to hear come out of your mouth.  You might be surprised.  Memorize a few and use them.  Hopefully it will get easier and you can just start thinking of your own.

We submissives like to feel submissive.  We can’t do that without feeling your power/control/dominance.  It is very hard to maintain without the use of your voice.  It really can be simple.

What are you thinking when you look down and see her on her knees in front of your erection?  SAY IT!  Use those sexy thoughts and say it.  Yup, even that word you just thought of, SAY IT!  If you step too far for your wife, I’m sure she will let you know at a later time.  Trust me, she would rather ask you to tone it down later than to live with one more encounter of silent sex with you.  I really don’t think she will ask you to tone it down though.  

Remember, we don’t feel there are dirty words within the privacy of a marriage, so loosen up and please her every way you can.  If you can do it to her, you can talk about it also.

At one point, my own sweet Husband had problems with this too, but now we can really tear it up. 

If your wife let you know you were lacking in another area of your sex life you would do whatever you could to get better right?  Find articles or books on the subject or ask your wife or a friend for pointers, right?  Right, because you want to please her.  I’m letting you know this is a BIGGIE. Lacking in this area can make sex much less enjoyable for her.  So man up and use your voice.  You will love the results.  I promise.

 

God bless you,

God’s gift to Him