back to square one Wednesday, Jul 29 2009 

I remember back when I first hinted and then finally asked that He be more dominant in our marriage.  As He has said, He didn’t know what to do really.  And I waited around frustrated.  The more I waited the more frustrated I became.  He said he was up for making some changes, but I wasn’t seeing any.  Did he forget?  Did he change his mind?  Did I make a huge mistake?

I finally did the right thing and took my frustrations to him.  I poured my heart out and realized He was just confused and didn’t want to make a wrong move.  I told Him that I didn’t feel like I should lead the changes because that is pretty much the opposite of what I was going for.  He said He would try.  That’s all He could do.

After that, He started asking me lots of questions.  Sometimes He initiated a conversation with me sitting on the floor by Him as He has talked about in His posts.  Sometimes he would ask me a question and ask that I answer in writing so that He could study the answer and really understand me.

Things started looking up from there.  So, for those of you who have written me about what to do after the very first move has been made, there it is… COMMUNICATE.

God bless you,

God’s gift to Him

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so much time, so little submission Thursday, Jul 16 2009 

Well, midwest summer is in full swing and our little family is brimming with family fun.  We’ve had long days with all the kids, swimming, playing ball, picnicking.  It has been glorious.

As I laid in bed last night, I felt I had an odd emotion tugging at me around the edges.  I didn’t know what to think.  He has had more time than usual with us and we’ve had a lot of fun with the kids.  He got in bed and fell asleep after a quick peck on the cheek.

I realized that my submissive tank is running a little low.  I’ve done all the little things I do to please Him and last night I made my body fully ready for Him before he joined me in bed, so outwardly I’m still submitting to His wishes.   But, as I’ve said before I only get submissive feelings when He is taking control and/or dominating me.  That doesn’t really happen too much with the kids around and at night, if He’s tired He sleeps.

I am ashamed to admit that it briefly crossed my mind to dosomething, start something, push Him, I don’t know, anything to get him in a big old Dominant mindset so He would feel the need to control the situation.  I let him doze off next to me because that is what he wanted at that moment. 

 After a few minutes, it struck me that he did just control the situation, didn’t he?  Maybe not how I would have chosen, but such is the life of a submissive.

God bless you dear readers,

God’s gift to him

bits and pieces Wednesday, Jul 8 2009 

A reader has requested that I include some info from another post in this one.  We wrote an article just for men and one reader pointed out that I had included many statements about my thoughts and behaviors early on when we were starting our path toward a Dominant/submissive marriage.

I’m going to copy the bits and pieces and hope they make some sense.  Here you go.  (anything in bold is my Husband writing)

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I am so stubborn that I had asked for him to take charge and then when he actually did, I pushed back.  The only place his leadership was really respected was the bedroom until my “AHA moment”.  He would lovingly confront me about my actions and I really had no excuse.  Why was I doing this?  I guess since I needed to TRULY KNOW he was in charge, I pushed him to prove it.  From the talks with others like us, all of us wives do this at some point, but not one of us understands it at the time or even realizes we are doing it.

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If you are new to this blog, you need to know that I started the move to the dynamics our marriage now encompassed.  I wanted him to lead the family, run the household and dominate me in the bedroom.  I had realized my sexual nature was best brought out when control is stripped from me.  Call that what you will, but there are much darker kinks than wanting your husband to be the man. 

  So, in our discussions about what I needed sexually, he had to draw some lines because he had  boundaries he was not comfortable crossing.  He said he would not harm me and he would never actually force me.  He would play forcefully with his strength, but he would not force himself on me.  I was sad. I tried to explain that I wanted to give him blanket consent and that as weird as it may sound to him, I am aroused by the very notion of being ‘used’ by him.  Well, we had long talks about what that would and would not include because of his deep respect for women.

OK.  All that out of the way.  Here we go.  We had been trying out my new dominant male role and it seemed to delight her, but she was still not really feeling it and could not express what was missing to me.  She could not because she did not know.  I can’t argue with that.

  She is a uniquely strong woman and this has been a bumpy road with both of us frustrated.  Well, we had a fight that I let get out of hand (I say “I let get out of hand” because it should have been my job to not let it escalate as it did).  Anyway, she ended up storming out.  She got in her car and left.  She was gone a long while and did not take her cell phone as I have stated she should always have it with her.

  We established early in our relationship that things that create distance are unacceptable.  We are to cleave to each other as the Bible says. A cooling off period is one thing and often good so that harsh words are not said, but stonewalling and throwing the cold shoulder is another thing altogether.

  I heard her car in the garage and walked over to the door.  I figured she was cooled off now and went to wrap her in my arms.  She pushed right by me and went to our room.  She came out to feed the kids and did not look at me.  She was very cold.

  Everything He is saying is correct. I was doing what wives do in relationships that are not as close and intimate as ours and I was doing it very disrespectfully.   Why?  I couldn’t  tell you at the time.  I had asked Him to lead and I was being a b*tch when He tried that night.

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This touch I always savor so much flooded me with true submission, the actual desire to submit at that moment.  I did and it made me cry for this fight and every other time I fought for the control I didn’t want anyway

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God Bless,

God’s gift to Him