I’d like to thank Katheryn for her addition to the last post.  Your e-mails have been encouraging and entertaining as well.

Since you asked, I guess I need to share why we don’t spank in our relationship.  Simple answer.  I’ve had back surgery a few times and get horrible nerve pain down the back of my legs quite often.  So, as delicious as a long over the knee session sounds to Him, He would never want to put me through days of great discomfort and weakness.  He can just make me weak in the knees other ways. **wink**  I do sometimes get a few fun slaps on the outside of my hip or thigh during sex, but that is as far as we can safely take it.

Why do D/s couples enjoy spanking?       I’ve asked some friends and read up on it as well as thought about my own feelings on the matter.  I’d like to share what I have discovered.

First of all, I did not plan on jumping right into this topic as it truly in NOT central to our type of relationship (Sexual D/s in a loving Christian marriage, for those of you just joining us).  A lot of you e-mailed about this topic so we jumped right in with in.  You can take it or leave it as it is NOT a key aspect of this type of relationship.  I’m going over it because of the curiosity level, but do not want you to think it carries much weight or defines this ‘lifestyle’.

OK,  the main draw to spanking in a D/s marriage is that the Husband likes to feel in control and the wife likes to feel that control and think of her Husband as a powerful man in charge.  It is often this complete transfer of power/control that is the turn on and not the actual slapping of the rump.  If you asked these men if they like slapping their wives, nearly all would say absolutely not.  It’s the position of power that displays their wife’s submission so thoroughly that is erotic. Wives usually say the same thing and include that they enjoy it much more than their husbands. (men, if you have a wife that is asking you to be more dominant, but are having a hard time actually coming up with ideas, here is a no-brainer dominant show of shows, just make sure your words are confident and low the whole time 🙂 )

For the purpose of this post, we are talking about a full spanking session, not just a few slaps during lovemaking Many couples include those love taps (which may be really firm or barely there) and would never consider themselves in a D/s marriage.  We are talking about submitting to a bun warming experience that many find to be a wonderful experience.

Why sexually submissive wives often love this:  The power transfer in this situation is not subtle.  You can give in completely and literally feel the strength of your man.  Women like us NEED to feel their power.  It makes us feel safe and protected to be with a strong man.  If you are wired like me, it turns you on to feel his strength and know “He’s the man”!

In Katheryn’s last article she mentioned “losing it”.  This is a biggie for many subbie wives.  Strong women like us, who run households, or companies, or charities, but like to give up control in the bedroom may feel drawn to situations where their sweet understanding husbands take over so fully that they “lose it”. Meaning they lose every ounce of control and that complete submission to their powerful husband is cathartic.

One friend, Char, states it like this.  She says that most women need a good emotional flood once in a while (even though many won’t admit it).  She says she has friends that when they know they need to clean out the emotions, they rent a really sad movie and allow themselves to just sob and sob.  When it’s over they feel more centered and able to take on the world again.  There was an episode of Every Loves Raymond where his wife would make herself cry once a month by just “making a really sad crying face”.  It took a lot of explaining to Ray that women are just wired differently and need the emotional outlet EVEN IF THEY ARE STRONG WOMEN.  Spanking, says Char, is her outlet.

Char explains it this way:  After years of thinking that being intelligent meant not giving in to your emotions and thinking that strength meant being strong all of the time, she just could not let herself “let go” and clear it all out.  The idea of crying it out during a movie was confusing.  She says as she realized that a D/s sexual realtionahip was just what she needed, she found out more about what spanking can do.  As much as she loved giving up control in the bedroom to her husband, she just couldn’t ask for a real spanking even thought the idea of really ‘letting herself go”in full submissions was something she could not get out of her head.  Char poo-pooed the idea when her husband asked about it.  She explains suddenly feeling very shy and even though her mind was screaming YES, she told her man that she didn’t think it was for her.  You should see her smile when she talks about the night her loving husband took her over his knee anyway. 

It seems Char’s husband had read up on the subject on another website for loving D/s relationships and found out how meaningful the full submission of this practice can be for a wife.  He learned how to slowly escalate spanking from light rubs and slaps to firm spanks that can redden a bottom.  He learned how taking your time can release certain hormones that keep it from feeling like pain and instead bringing pleasure.  He learned that if you push past the point where your sexually submissive wife breaks down or “loses it”, she revels in the full submission she has longed to give. 

Char says he did it perfectly.  He just took command and did it.  She said he allowed her to fight him as he knew a strong woman would.  She said when she reached her point when all control was finally gone, she understood why her friends that cry for a whole movie feel so good.  Just letting it all out cleared the cobwebs and she just felt so centered.  Her husband gave her a gift she cannot give herself because of how she (and many of us) define our “strength”.  Char says she feels amazingly close to her husband after a session like this(which usually takes half an hour).  He now seems to know when she needs to just let it all out and this is his gift to her.  For them, it is almost always followed by sex because she can’t help but feel turned on by this wildly dominant display and she feels girly and flirty for days around her big strong man.

I think this runs very closely to women who cry right after or during orgasm.  Women who just can’t let it all out in their everyday lives feel so overtaken by orgasms (which really DO control your body for a short time) and are overwhelmed by the period of powerlessness and let the emotions just roll out.  In spanking, loving husbands are not only doing that for you, but can make it last as long as needed.

When is a spank, just a spank?  So all this emotional release stuff just not for you?  That’s great.  Although, stay open because you just might be surprised.  Spanking can just be a spank for you.  You’ve established that you like giving up control and spanking is a powerful expression of that.  Good for you.  You trust your husband or you would not be in a D/s with him.  If you just like the idea of over the knee submission,  If the thought of him dominating you in this new way is nothing but erotic fun, then by all means, HAVE FUN.  Just as Katheryn said, everytime you sit down and feel a tiny sting that your sexy dominant Husband put there the night before, you will giggle like a school girl at his Alpha male display.

Some couples like a “scenario” and in the last post Katheryn gave a great example.  This scene can stand by itself as a sexy romp or just be foreplay.Some couples just use it as a toy in their sexual bag of tricks.  During any given fun loving D/s exchange, a husband may throw it in.  He can use it as a break if he is getting close to orgasm and needs to cool off.  Many wives would love to be close to an orgasm, be totally dominated in a long spanking and then resume intercourse or other sexy activities with their husbands.   The spanking itself can also be dotted with manual stimulation or the use of toys in between level of spanking.

Some couples relish in the “struggle”.  The wife is allowed to say no and must be overpowered.  Let’s be honest. You are in this type of relationship because you like the idea that your man is powerful enough to pin you, to take you.  That very idea does it for you.  In this case, you really need to have a “safeword”.  I know there is a school of thought that there is no need for a safeword in a loving marriage.  I would like to advise that it is smart to establish one just because of the unknown.  What if in your struggle you smash your own hand against a dresser and think you may have broken it.  There are going to be hard feelings if you are screaming STOP in this situation and you are ignored.  Please, just agree on one and leave it at that.  Only pull it out for emergencies.

Other couples may not use or need a struggle.  The very act of submitting when told to pull panties down and lay over a lap may be beautiful to both.  It’s up to you.

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT DISCIPLINE.  There are couples out there who say they lovingly use spanking as a form of  real discipline.  They have their own thought about why this works for them.  This blog is about marriages that are between equals in life, but have a transfer of power in their sexlife.  Although we cannot use  spanking in our own sexlife, I like to think about that type of surrender and usually wish we could.  I DO NOT, however, wish my husband would spank me if I didn’t fold his shirts the way He prefers.  I would be angry, feel degraded and definitely NOT CHERISHED.  If it works for them, fine, but I want to establish that this is not what I am talking about here in this article.  If it is fun for you to “play” at this  **you naughty girl, my closet is just a mess, come in here and let me teach you a lesson** that is a world apart from using a spanking to make sure your closet is in order tomorrow.

HOW TO?  I think Katheryn put the prefect how to in the last post.  The main idea to a spanking session is to take your time, build slowly and push through to the point of complete control through complete submission.  Please go back and read her step by step including aftercare.

NOT SURE?  If you are a Husband reading this and your Alpha male displays have her pawing at you for days.  I’d say go for it.  Really.  If you are a wife and this sounds heavenly, your spot is trickier.  You don’t want to run the show and you may feel that asking for it defeats the purpose.  Hopefully, you talk about your relationship often and you can hint.  You can also give a very strong reaction to any playful spanks you may get during sex.  That may get him thinking you really like it.  You can also try sending him this or another article on the idea.  Who knows, you may get a surprise soon!

God Bless you,

God’s Gift to Him