I like that some of the readers here are dominant males. They occasionally post a comment, but are more likely to e-mail a question or thought.  Here’s a wonderful note from “Steve”.

  Dear God’s gift,

    Your blog has been helpful to me as a man examining his own dominant potential.  As you have said, you offer a peek into a submissive’s heart and that has been an interesting view.

    I would like to thank you for freeing me up to explore D/s more deeply than I thought I could.  I’ve had my wife read a few of your posts so I could ask her if she felt the same way or how she felt she differed from you.  I’ve even included writing assignment and you were right about the revelations that can come from them.

   I admit that I did not understand the submissive side of things until recently.  We’ve summed it up with this:  She wants to be pleasing to me.   This is not nearly as simple as it may seem at first.  Because of her submissive nature, she needs to feel that she can please me in any way I need.  In the past, if she couldn’t/wouldn’t meet a need or want of mine,  I didn’t make a big deal of it at all because I loved her.  She would end up in tears because of the guilt she put on herself over the tiniest of failures.

  With your help and her opening up to me, I’ve learned that she needed to feel she was still my good girl.  I don’t allow her to let herself down anymore.  Before, she would beat herself up if she didn’t do what I needed of her, not because of anything I would do, but because of her own submissive nature.   We’ve talked about it and I think I understand the let down she would get from not submitting to me.  We’ve discovered the answer.  I don’t allow her to NOT submit.  This took some adjustment in my thinking because I do love and respect my wife.

  I’ll try to show by example what I am speaking of.  Here’s just a small one.  I love her in certain outfits.  In the past, I’ve asked her to change into something I prefer and if she said she didn’t feel like it or asked if it was OK if she maybe did it later, I would say that was fine and it really was fine. The problem was that later she would start to feel  guilty over not complying with my request.  She didn’t feel like my good girl.  She might actually be in tears over not granting my wish and would feel like something was wrong with her submission which she prizes.  After our long talks, I do things differently.  If she politely turns me down, I now might march her into her closet and say “Now” or pull her over my knee for a few stinging slaps on the bottom and ask her if she’d like to try her response again.

  Even I would have thought this all sounded beastly a few months ago.  But, in my search to truly understand my wife and our new dynamic, I’ve realized how to meet her needs.  On occasions like the above example, she may sulk for a bit, but within a few hours, she thanks me greatly for helping her with her submission to me.  She no longer lives with any feelings of guilt or failure because I am strong enough to aid her in not failing.  I don’t allow her to let herself down.  I don’t allow her any actions that would make her miserable later.

  This has resulted in her greater happiness.  I’ve felt more manly too.  I didn’t think I needed to feel more masculine in our marriage, but it has done great things for our compatibility and intimacy both in and out of the bedroom.

Thank you for helping us understand each other,

Steve.

 

  Steve, you are very kind for sharing.  It takes a very strong man to be able to aid his wife with her submission in such a way.  It’s lovely how you embrace her submission and are able to use your position as leader to help her attain what she desires.  She must be so much happier without the guilt she had been applying to her own self defeat.

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