A reader has requested that I include some info from another post in this one.  We wrote an article just for men and one reader pointed out that I had included many statements about my thoughts and behaviors early on when we were starting our path toward a Dominant/submissive marriage.

I’m going to copy the bits and pieces and hope they make some sense.  Here you go.  (anything in bold is my Husband writing)

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I am so stubborn that I had asked for him to take charge and then when he actually did, I pushed back.  The only place his leadership was really respected was the bedroom until my “AHA moment”.  He would lovingly confront me about my actions and I really had no excuse.  Why was I doing this?  I guess since I needed to TRULY KNOW he was in charge, I pushed him to prove it.  From the talks with others like us, all of us wives do this at some point, but not one of us understands it at the time or even realizes we are doing it.

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If you are new to this blog, you need to know that I started the move to the dynamics our marriage now encompassed.  I wanted him to lead the family, run the household and dominate me in the bedroom.  I had realized my sexual nature was best brought out when control is stripped from me.  Call that what you will, but there are much darker kinks than wanting your husband to be the man. 

  So, in our discussions about what I needed sexually, he had to draw some lines because he had  boundaries he was not comfortable crossing.  He said he would not harm me and he would never actually force me.  He would play forcefully with his strength, but he would not force himself on me.  I was sad. I tried to explain that I wanted to give him blanket consent and that as weird as it may sound to him, I am aroused by the very notion of being ‘used’ by him.  Well, we had long talks about what that would and would not include because of his deep respect for women.

OK.  All that out of the way.  Here we go.  We had been trying out my new dominant male role and it seemed to delight her, but she was still not really feeling it and could not express what was missing to me.  She could not because she did not know.  I can’t argue with that.

  She is a uniquely strong woman and this has been a bumpy road with both of us frustrated.  Well, we had a fight that I let get out of hand (I say “I let get out of hand” because it should have been my job to not let it escalate as it did).  Anyway, she ended up storming out.  She got in her car and left.  She was gone a long while and did not take her cell phone as I have stated she should always have it with her.

  We established early in our relationship that things that create distance are unacceptable.  We are to cleave to each other as the Bible says. A cooling off period is one thing and often good so that harsh words are not said, but stonewalling and throwing the cold shoulder is another thing altogether.

  I heard her car in the garage and walked over to the door.  I figured she was cooled off now and went to wrap her in my arms.  She pushed right by me and went to our room.  She came out to feed the kids and did not look at me.  She was very cold.

  Everything He is saying is correct. I was doing what wives do in relationships that are not as close and intimate as ours and I was doing it very disrespectfully.   Why?  I couldn’t  tell you at the time.  I had asked Him to lead and I was being a b*tch when He tried that night.

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This touch I always savor so much flooded me with true submission, the actual desire to submit at that moment.  I did and it made me cry for this fight and every other time I fought for the control I didn’t want anyway

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God Bless,

God’s gift to Him

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