Another question from a reader.

 

Dear God’s gift to Him,

   I am like the other submissive women you talk about.  I want to feel my husband’s power.  Really feel it.  I’d settle for just once, but I think I would be happier if it was more often.  I’d think once every few months would be good.

  Do you have any ideas on what we could try?  Rough forceful sex just seems like a game because I never say no to him. If I’m not resisting, there isn’t any force.

 Spanking is an option, and he has done it once in the past, but I asked him to stop too soon.  I don’t know why but I asked him to stop a little into it, then I ended up feeling let down when I calmed down.  Also, I don’t ever do anything to purposefully disappoint him, so there doesn’t seem to ever be a good reason for a spanking.

  We are both frustrated because I want to feel his power over me and he wants to show it as well.  We just don’t know what to do about it.  Any ideas?

Thank you,

Beth

Beth,  the answer to this is different for every couple.  Some women respond well to very strong words that establish who is in charge and who is following. I know a couple who every so often has maintenance conversations.  They talk about his headship and he purposely uses words that establish who’s who.  He calls her Little girl and enforces eye contact.  It works for them because he establishes his leadership in a very manly way and she feels  submissive because of it.

If spanking works for you and you have felt let down by stopping him,  perhaps you could tell him although you reserve the right to say whatever you want to, he is to finish the job.   You don’t need to misbehave for this (that is DD and is another creature entirely).  Couples who use spanking sometimes have maintenance spankings.  It’s just an evening where he decides he is going to remind you who is boss.  I have to admit I can’t personally wrap my brain around that, but many women feel evenings like this work well to give them their submissive ‘fix’ while the men feel more in charge.  This may work for you if you decide ahead of time what “completes” a spanking and then give him the freedom to finish up no matter what you say.  Please read the old post on spanking and how to do it HERE and HERE.

There is also the possibility of him using force in other situations specific to your relationship.  Read a few examples HERE.  Also, you spoke of forceful sex not working because you don’t resist.  A very creative way around this was discovered by one couple and they wrote about it HERE.  My husband found this very interesting and has recently told me has been trying to kick that one around a bit in his mind.  I’m waiting to see if anything becomes of it.

Perhaps you two could sit and think about what actions make you feel the most submissive and try to expand upon those.  Do you feel most submissive when he speaks a certain way? Uses his hands on you a certain way?  Or are you only talking about brute strength that you need to feel?  Talk about it a lot.  Be as honest as you can.  If some area seems to hit home to one or both of you, allow him the freedom to go off an think about it for days or weeks and then to put it into action.  You might be surprised what could do it for you.

I admit that I quiver at the thought of my man establishing His power with force.  It seems so dark to some, but it is plain as day to those who are naturally submissive to dominant men.  It was not true in our early relationship, but I feel  that now He is very comfortable with His dominant side, I think He wouldn’t mind putting me over His knee when our natural dynamic is lacking something.  It’s usually lacking because I am busy and I get antsy and maybe a bit quick tempered.  In times like these a quick fix sounds nice, since a flood of the submissive feelings I needed would be an obvious result and He would feel powerful enough to reset the balance.   The tears would do a frazzled mind good also.

 We don’t spank because of a back injury and I often say I’m not sure if I would be into it, but when alone with my thoughts, the idea of completely letting go when He sees the need to take the situation into His own hands makes my heart pound.   For me it’s just a D/s fantasy though. (Once again I feel the need to say that I would feel degraded if I was spanked as punishment for something like leaving the windows down on the car or something.  Punishment  does not sit well with my own submission, a stern look breaks my heart as it is.)

Readers, ANY reader, if you have an idea of what may help Beth, please let me know.  Every woman is different, and what works for you may help her also.

God bless you,

God’s gift to Him

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