Chuck wrote us that he just doesn’t talk dirty/use his voice because he is not comfortable with the vocabulary associated with it.

Although in this house, the controlling voice I love does talk dirty, it really is not necessary to maintain control.  The submissive wife likes the feelings of control and there is no set vocabulary for that.  Is “go soak in the tub so you are ready for me” dirty?  I don’t see any ‘dirty’ words there.  “look at me when you orgasm” “you look beautiful laid open for me” “soaking wet already?’  These don’t have any of the traditionally ‘dirty’ words in it.

Chuck seems to think dirty talk and using for voice for control are one and the same.  They are not.  My husband maintains a level of control outside of the bedroom that never contains ‘dirty’ talk. “Ease up over there, Angel.  Let it go now” when I’m stressing over something that really needn’t be wasting my energy is an example.  See, no dirty words, but control was established.

If your question is about heady bedroom talk without naughty words.  I would first ask you why you feel a certain word is naughty.  Within the boundaries of married sex, are there naughty words?  If your wife is turned off by the scientific sounding ‘vagina’ used during sex, how will you say you love how wet it gets?  Is an alternate word for the same body part dirty? vulgar?  In regular conversation with the guys, it may be.  But this is your wife.  She knows you respect her and love her and strive for her pleasure.   If your fear is being disrespectful, ask her if there are words she really is turned off by.  Consider all other words fair game.  Say them out loud into the mirror until they don’t feel odd in your mouth.

If all ‘dirty’ words are off limits for someone’s boundaries, sex talk can still carry on with the examples from above. “when I decide your mouth is finished, I’m bending you over the bed” doesn’t have a single word in it you could not say to your grandma.  You just wouldn’t say them in that order.

Bless you,

God’s gift to Him