I received a letter from a reader and want to share it and my answer with you as it may help others.

Dear Gods gift to Him,
  My wife has offered her body to me and given consent to be taken at my whim.  This has been very pleasurable for us both and made our marriage much happier.  Your husband’s recent advice has also been very helpful.
  After talking about some of his ideas we came back to a topic we have visited before.  There is one way she is not able to give herself to me sexually.  I myself do not have a problem with this and can live without it.  I feel I have her full submission without it.  She, however, dwells on it and is sad he cannot force herself to offer her body in this way and so she feels she does not give herself fully to me.  I do not feel a need to spell out the actual act, but it is most likely not what many would think it is, it is pretty ‘vanilla’ as you would say, but she has a hang up because of her past.
  Because she has never offered her body this way to another, she desires to give herself to me in this way.  She has let me know she trusts me with her life and has asked that I help her overcome this.  She says if she hands control of this area over to me and I take my time with it, she thinks it will lose the power it has over her and all she will feel is my power.  These are her words.
  I hope this makes sense to another woman and you can give me some advice.  Hopefully very candid advice.
  Thank you,
  An adoring husband


  I’ve thought about this an discussed it with my husband.  I asked the reader to please share with only me the act his wife was having trouble with.  He did and he’s right, it’s not what I was thinking.  Given five guesses I would not have gotten it right.  You just never know which act, so simple and loving to one, may have aspects that bring up feelings of fear and powerlessness in another.  This is why communication is key.

  Since his wife has asked him to take control of the situation and help her give herself in this way, I came up with an idea.  As a submissive I think this is how I would need it handled.

  First, let her know the problem is now yours.  It is no longer hers and she should not give it another thought.  You love her, will help her with this problem and help her reach this goal over time.  Let her know she should release any thoughts she has on how soon or when or how and just trust that you have the situation under control.  Listen to her reaction and calm any fears and then calmly state the problem is no longer hers, it’s yours.

  Second, several lovemaking sessions later when it is not fresh in her mind and she is very aroused put her body into the position for this act.  Don’t do the act.  (I’m tiptoeing around words here that will give away facts I have promised to keep a secret).  Keep her in this position for a while, using strong hands and reassuring words that are stern if needed.  Let her know it’s not going any farther but she needs to stay in place.  Praise her for her ability to be in this position with you and call her sweet names.  If an emotional response happens, I would say “it’s OK, I’ve got you” and keep her there just a minute more then move on to a form of lovemaking she really enjoys and feels very safe with.  I would do this several times over a period of weeks or months making sure not to do it every time and only when she is aroused and feeling loved.  Once it seems easy for her I would move on.

  Third, again this is tricky without  using words that are a dead  give away, but I would do the same as the last step, but tell her you are going to touch her now. Use strong hands on her to keep her in position and lightly touch her.  The first time, this may mean a single light touch. Reassure with words that let her know you are in control of this.  Use sweet names.  Like the last step, use reassuring words if any emotional responses occur.  She may feel such lack of control that she panics, but you will be strong and reassuring for her.  She has asked you for this.

  Fourth, talk about it when not in a sexual situation.  This may be a tricky conversation.  As a submissive I can just hear how the conversation may go and how confusing it might be for the husband.  She may be unable to say it’s going OK.  She’s scared of giving up this one little corner of control she’s hung on to but she’s asked you to help her give it.  Essentially, she needs you to take it from her and at the moment that is not OK, even though she wants it.  CONFUSING, I know.  She may not be able to reassure you in the way you are looking for, but then again, she may be able to and may already be grateful for the progress.  Who knows.  If all you can get out of her is that it’s not as horrible as she thought and she appreciates your patience, then you are on the right track. 

  Fifth, escalate step three until there is serious touching, massaging, and/or pressure with your fingers in that position.  This step could take a very long time since you will not be doing this every time you have sex.  Just now and then.

  Sixth, move her into position again and let her know she will feel you there but without penetration.   Again go through all the steps of assurance and control.  Make sure she feels your control, she needs to know at least one of you has it together right now.  As always, finish with your normal lovemaking.  Continue over a period of time until this is easy.

  Reader, if you think you know what this couples’ situation is at this point, I can almost guarantee you are wrong.  I’m trying to use very generic words here and in actuality they sort of don’t apply to the couple, but I’m trying to make it apply to most acts if the wife is trying to work through something.  The couple received this play by play with advice specific to their situation.


Seven, weigh the decision heavily as to when she is ready.  You need to once again find a balance in your lovemaking in which she is feeling very loved, very aroused, and very much like you are fully in control.  Move her into position and hold her there a while.  Speak to her.  Tell her that her body is all yours.  Every inch is yours.  Any way possible is yours. Penetrate her and reassure her with words that make her feel submissive.  If she has a favorite like I do with His  ‘that’s my girl’ I would use her favorite now.  Finish the act.

 Eight, give much much aftercare.  She may be ecstatic she has now given herself fully, she may cry because it is so emotional to be able to let go of that baggage.  She may be so proud to share herself with you in a way she has never offered another.  Cuddle, kiss, touch, love.  Use words that let her know you are honored and proud of her.  You can also let her know that was HOT!

  Nine, don’t assume it’s just going to happen next time with no prepwork.  Be just as careful the next few times you decide to do this again.

  Ten, once she seems pretty comfortable with it, have a sexual romp in which you are being pretty darn bossy and instruct her to “ask for it”.  She may have no problem anymore.  If she is like me, she may think she has no problem when you are in control, but now that she’s in a position to control what happens next, she can’t.  Let her know you are still the one in control and that what you want  is to hear her ask for it.  If it comes easy, have her beg for it.  Be stern but reassuring.  If she can beg for something she once could not offer up to you, the situation is now under control.

Well, there’s the two cents of a happy little submissive wife in a steamy relationship with her controlling husband. Readers, yes? no?

God bless you,

God’s gift to Him