My sweet husband read over the blog last night as He prepared to answer some of the questions that you have sent him.  He thinks that I have been somewhat misleading in my posts.  He asked me to reread the blog as a total stranger and see what kind of relationship it may seem we have.  He is right, I need to clear things up a little.  I thank Him for his input and willingness to be a part of this project.

I have not meant to be misleading.  I can see that my posts have made it seem like we are not in a relationship where He is the head of the house.  He is.  He MOST DEFINATLY is.  His leadership is so subtle and He thinks so highly of me that I can easily gloss over this both inwardly and outwardly because it happily happens unnoticed.

We agreed from the beginning to have a Christian marriage with the husband as leader.  He has promised to cherish me, to always consider my wants and needs and to resect my intellect.  He has asked that I pretty much run the day to day household things because he knows he can trust me to always try to do the right thing and to consult him if I think there is something he would like a say in.  He is very busy and feels no need to micro-manage our lives and quite often admits that he would screw up the the nice little family groove I’ve established.  He says I am wise about parenting and leaves me to establish rules and guide our three children.

I run the ‘house’ because he wants it that way and it makes his life easier and enjoyable.  A good leader knows when to deligate and he feels he leaves the important things in very capable hands; mine.  I have said in another post that we are equals and we are.  If He were writing this he would say so also.  If there is any unbalance in our relationship, it is because He is likely to weigh my wants, needs, opinions heavier than His own.   Because I am Biblically submissive, He has the final say.  Always.  As a good Christian husband, he loves me as Christ loves the church.  Sometimes this translates to him sacrificing for his bride.  When we do not agree on something and he has truly listened to me and my point of view I can happily let him make the final decision with no fighting necessary.  More often than not, his final say is in my favor because he holds my opinion in such high regard.  (this was so very surprising to me at first.  I thought agreeing that in our marriage he had final say meant that when we disagreed, he would get his way and that was final.  I married such a great man.)

  I hope things are a bit clearer.  I had stated that only our sex life was D/s (Dominant/submissive) and left some of you confused about the marriage.  I am submissive in our everyday life, but he would never think to “dominate” me or try to manage my every step or thought.  We are a team and run through life very smoothly because of mutual respect and very strong bonds of love and affection.  Just the way He has always wanted His marriage to be.  If the need be, He would find it His place to correct me, but we both strive so hard to please each other that it barely takes a word for me to change what I am doing in order to make him happy.

  This blog is mostly about the part of our relationship that includes ‘power transfer’ and that is because it is hard for Christians to find much on this topic without pornography or other unwanted content.  And so, I talk about our sex life.  Ours in one where He is in charge and I am here for His pleasure.  This is not how our marriage started out.  It slowly headed this direction at my request.  It was very hard to express to such a loving, gentle man that I needed him to really take control sometimes. I needed to feel his control sometimes in order to feel submissive in our marriage.  Because he loves me, he very slowly started trying to make this happen.  We had to talk about it A LOT.  He asked me questions that He probably did not really want to ask and that I had a very hard time answering, but it brought us closer.  At times I had trouble putting into words the way I wanted to feel: that I wanted to feel and really know his control.  To know beyond know that when push comes to shove, my man did not back down, Would not back down, not for anyone, not even his wife if that is what being the head of this household means.  I am a very strong woman and had to prove it every day in my career.  There is a certain safety in marriage when you know your husband won’t put up with your “stuff” if it hurts the marriage.

I wish I could have put it into words like that years ago.  Life would have been a little easier.  I wanted to submit fully and needed to feel his power in order to do it.  He has ways of reminding me of just how powerful he is and when he uses them, for days  I feel girly and sweet and overwhelmingly drawn to my strong manly husband.

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