I sometimes feel that the way we choose to live is a bit lonely.  We have decided not to tell our friends about it.  When I talk on this blog about “friends” that have a marriage like ours, I am referring to “internet friends” I have met through sites about the type of marriage we prefer.  I do not know Katheryn in real life, but do consider her a real friend.

Why don’t we tell our real everyday friends?  We choose not to for several reasons. 

 One is my Husband is in a very public position with lots of people looking up to him.  He doesn’t need scrutiny of his sexlife or anyone calling him a misogynist because he thrills his wife by occasionally pushing her around or “forcing” himself on her.  He helps many women through his work and this label could hurt his credibility.

Two, I council women at our church.  If  people knew about our D/s  life, my advice could be under strong scrutiny as biased in some direction or other.  I keep my advice to married women very biblical and although that does speak to submission at a certain Godly level, I would never advise a wife to put up with being pushed around, roughed up, or otherwise dominated without knowing if she is wired to enjoy that or not.  I never discuss such things when counseling.

Three, I understand that the most sexual secrets are the hardest to keep.  The closest friend can lose the battle of keeping such a titilating secret.  Although, through much explination and reasoning, a kind friend may understand or accept your situation, it may be relayed to a third party in a way that seems you are abused.  The last thing I would want is for anybody to think my sweet adoring husband is abusing me.  With the limited information they get from someone else,  how would they understand that He had to work up to dominating me by overcoming His own emotional attachment to treating me like the princess He still thinks I am.

Fourth, I do not want to be a stumbling block for another couple.  From intimate conversations with a close girlfriend, I think she would be very VERY happy with a relationship like ours.  I am afraid if I confide in her about ours, she would really want to pursue the idea with her husband.  The problem is, (although an outsider cannot really know another’s relationship) that I  think her husband would very quickly dismiss her thoughts and she would be left only to fantasize about a strong husband who would take her when he wished.  Would she look at my Husband with lust after this?  Would she now be unhappy with a marriage that made her happy yesterday?  That’s not a risk I am willing to take.

Five, a naughty secret between husband and wife is only ‘naughty’ when it is truly a secret. 🙂

Because of this, I do feel like I create a little bit of a wall with my girlfriends and sisters.  We do talk about sex and I sometimes speak of  a sexy evening with him, but am careful to leave out any power plays, force, “humiliation” (only what others would call humiliating, as I DO NOT feel humiliated at all) etc.  I wish I had at least one real life friend that lived like this so we could talk openly as women like to do, but my little secret is by no means a burden.

God bless you,

Gods gift to Him

PS  My husband has agreed to post, so if you have any questions, please comment or e-mail.  THANKS!

Advertisements