People who have contacted me want to know so much about so many topics and I am not sure where to start.  Because of this, my posts won’t follow any certain order *this is not a textbook* and will cover things rather randomly.  If you would like me to post on something specific, please let me know.

I guess a good place to start is where to draw the line.  Where does our marriage partnership of equals end and our roles of D/s (Dominant/submissive if you are new) pick up?  The answer is blurry at best.  Your line may be clear as day and much farther left or right than ours.  Here is what works for us.

In things not sexual, which is, let’s face it, 90% or more of a marriage, we are equals or I am in charge.  I make just about all the decisions for our three small kids as He is too busy to research which preschool is best, if tap is better than ballet, hot lunch better than packed lunch etc.  If He has an opinion I most certainly discuss it and weigh it heavily, but mostly He just trusts me to do what best for our family.  I even pick His clothes because His attempts are laughable unless He just tries to remember an ensemble I put together in the past.  The way we see it, He has appointed the best person for the job and I do my best for Him.

In our sexual relationship, He’s the boss.  I get all giggly just typing that.  That, in itself, is a look into how I’m wired sexually.  The way God made me.  If making that kind of statement about your marriage would make you nauseous, read no further.  Your sexual needs are different from mine, just as God meant you to be.  If you want so badly to have this statement be true about your marriage, parts of this blog may be helpful to you.

So, He is the boss.  What does that mean for us?  It means He controls our sex life.  Completely.  If He desires sex or any type of sexual contact, He takes it.  Before you go off on a rant, know that this is MY desire.  I have discussed at GREAT LENGTH with Him my need (that’s right, need) to be His to use for His pleasure.  He is such a wonderful caregiver that this did not set well with Him at first.  We had long talks about the fact that I get the most pleasure when I don’t have control of this one little aspect of my life.  He has learned to take over the control at my request.  It was not easy for Him to learn.  For such a gentle man to get past the feelings of what He may have, at one time, thought of as forceful or humiliating and change them in His mind to be acts of service to please his wife sexually, is a beautiful gift. 

The age old question then surfaces:  If HE is doing what I asked, then who is really in control?  Well, I don’t control the individual sexual situations at all (He is always full of surprises).  In attempts to fulfill me sexually, He explores creative dominance all the time.  When He desires me and thinks of creative ways to use my body and mind to fulfill His needs, we are both on cloud nine.  Because He is so thoughtful, often times, his only sexual need at the moment is to bring me pleasure.  What a man!

Dear reader, please understand that all of this takes place inside of a loving, caring, respectful marriage.  Any boundaries, dislikes, aversions, fears have been discussed and are understood.  He would never try to damage me, my mind, my body or our relationship.

If He starts up a sexual and/or romantic scene, I try to always go along.  I usually can’t help myself since this turns me on so much.  You need to know this:  I can say no.  There are no repercussions for saying no.  (actually I say a special word we have agreed on because in our situation, sometimes no means yes. More on this in another post) We are in a loving relationship and sometimes I truly don’t have time for play or may be physically ill.  In these cases, I lovingly let him know that I appreciate his pushy advances/demands but  just can’t right now.  Just like any other wife in a healthy marriage.

OK, what if I want/need sex or some type of physical attention.  I am not permitted to ask for sex or initiate sex.  Don’t hate on Him, I set this parameter years ago and He only goes along with it to please me. He does, however, have fun enforcing it.  Anyway, if I am really horny…what, you didn’t know good Christian ladies get horny?…I entice Him.  I am allowed to entice, flirt, persuade, but it is only when He wants me that any type of play may begin because He begins it.  What? You think I am just initiating by manipulation?  Semantics, my dear reader. Semantics.  It’s our game and you can make the rules for yours.  F.Y.I. He may choose to show His dominance by ignoring my advances completely and control me by not giving me what I want.

So, here we are.  You know in the bedroom, He rules all.  But, I’ve told you the lines blur in our relationship.  Where do they blur?  Well, since He’s a kind, accommodating man, any show of cocky/super assertive/sexually aggressive behavior is an offering for me.  Really.  So, in everyday life, moments of what I call Alpha male displays are purely for my delight.  They did not come natural for Him at all, but He’s getting great at it for me.   Here’s where the lines are blurry.  He may take a situation where I’m in charge, say lunch with my girlfriends, and make a domineering statement pertaining to it. “I’m allowing your outing this once, but know that next time, you will be staying home where you belong and making my lunch as I desire” accompanied by a not too subtle slap on the rump. See, He’s showing his dominance in a place where He doesn’t really have it.  If He made this statement for real, I’d wring His neck.  This is just foreplay, a way for me to think about His assertiveness the whole time I’m with my friends.  The first couple of times He tried this, He couldn’t even keep a straight face.  Now He can say it with such an aire of arrogance and ownership that I can’t wait to get home to be His little toy.  It’s the game we play.  Doesn’t sound fun to you?  Make up your own.

God bless,

God’s gift to Him

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