The following post would have shocked and/or offended me ten years ago (although it’s quite vanilla to my regular readers). I would have thought horrible thoughts about the woman who wrote it.
I recently went to a conference with my husband where he was one of the presenters. He was speaking in a large auditorium on a somewhat broad topic and then speaking later in a smaller meeting room on a very specific narrowed down subset of that topic. I attended both.
The presentation to the large group went very well and when the floor was opened for questions I could hear the respect and awe of the audience (who was filled with people who are also very smart and rather important as well). Ten years ago, I would have thought to myself “that’s right people, he’s mine”. How did I feel this time? I was beaming because I am his. He chose me and he chooses me again all the time. This man has options (although he would never say that) and still he chooses me and our family again and again. I am his. He looked so cool and casual up there and I was pulled toward him. I didn’t leave my seat, but I wanted so badly to inch closer, to be with him, to feel his hand under my hair, firmly on my neck, and let everyone see that posture of ownership.
We had a few minutes before the next meeting and I used it to affirm how well he had done and tell him how proud I am to be his wife. He just winked at me and shook a bunch of hands of people who appeared to want to be close to him as well.
The second meeting started and I was sure to get a seat in the front row. He sounded more brilliant than before. I was overwhelmed with the need to be at his feet. We don’t have kneeling or bowing or posturing as part of our relationship as some D/s couples do, but I am sometimes put at his feet while he sits on the couch so we can have a serious chat. It’s actually quite an affectionate position for BOTH of us and helps me with my desired mindset.
But this day, I wanted, needed, desired, yearned for the chance to actually kneel. I was so enamored by his intellect, so humbled that he chooses me that I could barely suppress the urge to put my forehead on his shoes. I had never experienced this before.
I could picture it. I’d quietly walk the few steps to him and get on my knees and fold in half with my face at his feel. He wouldn’t stop talking to the group as he motioned for me to unfold and move to his side. Then I would simply kneel next to him while his hand on my hair softly held my head to the side of his knee.
If you are a parent, you’ve been in the position that I describe my husband in, right? Your small child wants you, but you are talking to someone, so you just hold their shoulder or head against your thigh/hip so they know they are wanted too while you finish your conversation. Oh to live in a society where wives could do the same!
I was quite obsessed with moving to his feet and wrapped my fingers around the edge of my seat to ensure I did not move without thinking. I’ve never had a problem saying that I admire my husband but this level of intensity was new. My inner feminist should have been beating me up, but she wasn’t. I simply felt soft and girly and so very peaceful.
Later I tried to explain what had happened at the meeting. He sat there with a big question mark on his face. When I was done he said “well of course you did, I mean look at me” which was a huge joke on his part, but he did let me sit at his feet just a little longer before pulling me up on his lap.
Such a lovely feel good post! Your pride was drawing out your submissive feelings, and you wanted to shout both to the world! I can relate. I think that your *inner feminist* understands that your husband is the ONLY one you are submissive to, and that’s what this lifestyle is about. He is the center of your world, that is clear and makes you both happy.:-) (I’m sure he often feels the same about you!)
Elysia, you can say what I’m thinking better than I can. Maybe you should ghostwrite my blog!
Great post, and one I’m sure many of us wives can relate to. That yearning sensation can be so strong, can’t it? Maybe we should all move to some deserted island and start our own DD culture/nation. Who’s with me?
-RW
RW, you are so funny. If that island is also a tropical island, I’m in.
I love this post and relate to the feeling of wanting to be closer to your husband and, through your body/posture, express how honored you are to be His. Sometimes I am in awe of His talents and presence that words are not enough.
Oh, and if you make that island one with a mountain, I’ll pack our bags tonight!
- Lovingly His
I just wanted you to know how much I am enjoying your blog. It is truely motivating and refreshing to know there are many others like us.
I struggled for a long time, being raised in a ‘feminist’ family, I now see that the strength of a woman is not by how much freedome she has, but by knowing when to let go. My husband has always been the leader in our household, it just took me awhile to leave the denial at the door step and fully understand my place as wife and mother and homekeeper. The only words to deacribe what we have now is pure bliss.
My fiance is a pastor. I feel like I’m at his feet in my heart all the time at church. And he so responds, even from afar, with a look, a phrase that means one thing to everyone else and something entirely different between he and me, sometimes a touch. While I’m not on my knees physically, the attitude is there mentally.
This is one thing I can’t do physically even in private, as my knees won’t allow it, even for a short time. But I understand how you wish it were “acceptable” for a wife to do physically. If I could, I would also wish it.
One way this does happen for us is that during bible studies or even a church meal, he will manuever himself to stand right next to where I am sitting, so close that I can feel the heat of his body even without him touching me. But he will often place his hands on my shoulders. He often says something of special meaning when he does this. I think it has a similar affect except that it does not have the component of my initiating it, instead he does.
I wanted to thank you for your blog. I have read through most of it – enough to know quite a lot about you and your husband’s relationship. I want to encourage you that what you are doing is really a ministry to married couples. Both my fiance and I agree about that.
He talked to me initially about somethings he was hoping for in our future physical relationship which was fairly vanilla and I agreed. Then we had some unrelated arguments and he lectured me and called it a spanking a few times and I kind of started to think that he might really want to spank me. So I looked up on the internet about spanking and discovered domestic discipline. I talked to him about that and he was yes, he would love for me to submit to him in that way. Then as I was looking around on the internet, I found your website and I thought this kind of completed the picture: to give yourself to your husband, totally, unreservedly.
While I may have no desire for certain things, I do have a desire to totally submit, even if that means he takes me to places that I don’t desire. Pleasing him is my desire. And I trust him. I want to make his dreams and desires come true. Now I don’t know what those are except for the few things he did tell me. It may go no further than that. Or now that he knows I won’t judge him, he may reveal hidden desires. Of course we would want to honor God by keeping it within the confines of our marriage.
He says that this is the kind of relationship he has always desired. He hinted that this is what he wanted, but without the internet community, especially your site and a few others, I would have never truely understood what he was talking about. And even if I did, I don’t know if I could have come to a place where I could have laid aside my fears and shock and reservations and so readily embraced the idea of these two lifestyles (the domestic discipline and the D/s).
We are not in a church that practices either of these lifesyles except to encourage the “general submission of the wife to her husband” mostly as each couple defines that for themselves. No one I know practices either of these lifestyles, so it is really great to have resources like your website to look to for practical ways to implement this lifestyle.
Thanks again,
newbie
When you research what God wants in a relationship between husband and wife you’ll find that the DD lifestyle is very parallel with the Bible. I’m still learning about and know there is so much more out there! God bless you Gods Gift.