Several of you want to know about pet names within a christian marriage with a D/s sexlife. What are they? Why are they used? When are they used? Do we use them? Here you go:
Pet names are titles to show you are addressing your spouse within the sexual side of your relationship. Since people in our situation are, in a way, living two different lives, some find it necessary to make it obvious they are addressing their sweet husband or their alpha male Dominant. It would seem that people who live D/s lifestyle 24/7 would not need this distinction, but from what I have gathered, they are even more likely to use pet names.
Do you have to use them? No. Some find it easier, or just more fun. Some find it silly.
Do we use them? Yes. I don’t feel comfortable sharing ours here. Although I am striving for being open and honest on this blog, I feel this is just too intimate. Also, I don’t want you to copy ours and bypass the fun of coming up with your own. We don’t use them exclusively or all the time, they are just another toy in the toy chest.
What are they? The husband’s name or title, may help him feel more powerful.
- Titles of respect seem to be popular: Sir and Master do the trick for some (as well as Lord, but that flips my stomach). Mr. “your last name” might also fit in here.
- Words that are symbols of power are used: Thunder, Storm, Dragon, Wolf, Major, General, Goliath, Thor, Apollo.
- Normal terms of endearment that you don’t use otherwise: many people don’t use Darling in their day to day language and so that could be used.
- A last category is other real names that seem to represent a strong personality: Bruce, John, Brent, whatever works for you. This category can quickly become a slippery slope of thinking of an entirely different person and so I don’t recommend it.
- Some just use a first initial. Tim could be called “T” and Jack could be called “J”.
Wives’ names seem to be easier:
- Any name that represents something delicate: Flower, or a type of flower. Cloud, Rain.
- Representation of a tiny mystical creature: Pixie, Fairy, Nymph, Angel.
- Words of smallness: Tiny, Little one, Baby, Babydoll, Kitten, Girl.
- Terms of endearment reserved for only sexual moments: Darling. Baby. Sweetheart. Lover. (one upside of this type of name is that is it not weird if it is overheard)
- Real names that have submissive associations: See warning above.
Do you have to always use them?No, but it can avoid confusion. What if your Husband wants to send you a playful email during the day and it is playful by being really bossy. He may write about the exact time dinner is to be on the table or the consequences will be unfathomable. Before you call him up and give him a piece of your mind, you see it is signed by his pet name. Now you can decide if you want to dress like an old fashioned house wife and serve it up on time, or if you ignore it and see about those consequences.
If you choose them, should they be the only name used during sexual situations? It’s up to you. He loves to hear his real name cried out while some men may need or want the extra submission of using their authoritative pet name. Wives may feel less control if their subbie name is the only one used, which may lead to more pleasure for her.
When not to use pet names: This may be obvious to you, but pet names should not ever be used for manipulation during the rest of your marriage. If he has called you Pixie for years when you are at your most submissive, when you automatically please him, when he WILL get his way, then you are conditioned for this response when associated with your pet name. Therefore, if you are having a spirited debate over the purchase of the next family vehicle and do not agree, it is VERY inappropriate for him to call you Pixie during this conversation. Even if he used it sweetly (Oh, but Pixie, you know I’ve always wanted a black truck) it is not fair and is crossing a line. He’s using the name that you associate with giving up control without a second thought and it’s wrong. If your family needs a mini-van because of all of the carpooling and you feel the need to stand your ground, he has just delivered a low blow and it will most likely have an effect on your sexlife if not just the next sexual encounter. Woman can use pet names inappropriately too, so don’t thing I’m letting wives off of the hook.
Any other questions?
Gods gift to Him